My little world of thoughts...

ACCIDENTS/COINCIDENCE???

2010-04-23T22:37:00.003+08:00

It's really super long since I've blogged!!! Too many things on my mind but just don't know how to bring it out. Anyway, I kinda feel it's time to start blogging again. I think some of you may have seen this post on my facebook a few days ago, 'If there's a reason to everything that happens and it's all in God's plan, so is there such thing as accidents/coincidence?'

You know, with our lil finite minds it's just so hard to grasp and understand certian stuffs, but it's just as hard to move on not knowing why somethings just happens. When something just feels so right and certian but sudenly it just crumbles out of no where and even after asking the other party why it happend they just simply reply with 'I don't know, it just happend'. Isn't there suppose to be a reason for everything that happens? How can something just happen out of nothing even when it all seems so true and all the signs points to that way. I know I do seem like I'm going round and round in circles but it's really hard to go on when things are so illogical.

There's this famous saying by Albert Einstien, "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous". So yeah, don't totaly agree with this statement even if it seems like it makes sense. Sometimes I really do wish God will give some clear answers, something like smack in your face that you can't even deny it unless you're that stupid to live in denial. Yes I know we're suppose to live by faith but sometimes when things drag on too long without anyway of getting better there's really some real options to question our faith. Faith without work is dead, blind faith.

So just a thought of the many that is going on in my head. Just watched 'When In Rome' with Angel, Andrea, Ain, Alex and Joe. Super freaking awesomely hillarious with that touch of romance. Oh well, reminded once again that only such things happens in movies.

THE 10 YEARS THAT WAS

2010-01-19T23:19:00.002+08:00

It's the year 2010, the start of a new decade. So how was your past 10 years? Do you remember how you were 10 years go? This world has been through so many changes for the past 10 years. From the millenium bug craze at the turn of the new millenium, to the 911 attack in 2001, US invades Afghanistan in 2002, US then invades Iraq in 2003, the tsunami in 2004, followed by the pollitical tsunami of our country then the financial tsunami recently. World Cup 2002 in Korea/Japan, 2006 in Germany and now we look forward to Africa 2010!

The past 10 years has been such a journey for me. This time 10 years ago I just started secondary school. A start of a new chapter in my life, a new school, new friends and new experiences. I was officially a teen! So I was that usual teen growing up. Eager to do anything other then study, learnt many things the hard way and obviously rebellious. But those 10 years has thought me many lessons. It started out with much to expect and optimism. Things we're going on really great and life was looking very bright but it started to decline towards the end till now where I'm still picking up the pieces. Still so many questions left unaswered, new questions and old questions surfacing time and time again.

Indeed those years gave me the best days of my life and the worst till date. I learnt how to love another person and what a great feeling was that. To spend time and share your days and moments with the one you truely love with all your heart. I've also experienced pain and hurt like never before and saw myself crash and burn till I wonder what's this life is all about. Saw that light at the end of this tunnel many times but just as I was about to reach it, things just crumbled down again. Sometimes I really wonder if I put too much expectations and trust in people that I hurt myself if things dosen't turn out as expected.

This year didn't start out like how I expected it to be. There was so much of expectations and optimism as the end of last year approaches. But as the usual trend recently when things seem like it's getting better, it crumbles down again. Keep getting this sense of deja vu. As of now I don't really know how to look forward to this year. All I can do is put my trust in God, at the same time really hope that He will answer my questions. So the start of a new decade. Where will I be 10 years later? How will things be 10 years later? Only God knows, the author and finisher of my faith, the alpha and omega, beginning and end.

CHRIS TOMLIN - UNFAILING LOVE

2010-01-11T22:52:00.003+08:00

You have my heart
And I am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and mercy

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My unfailing love
Unfailing love

You are my rock
The one I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for meI
can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My Unfailing love
Unfailing love

DAWN OF A NEW YEAR

2009-12-22T21:47:00.003+08:00

In less then 10 days the year 2009 will come to a close and we say hello to a new year, 2010. A landmark year for many as it's the 1st century of the millenium. I'm sure October 10th next year will be a day filled with ceremonies and many will be booking their engagements or weddings on that date. So how have your pass 10 years been? How was your 2009? Have you achieved what you set out to accomplish, satisfied with what you did this year or are there any regrets?

2009 was a very exciting year for me, a year of learning and new discoveries. Finished the theory part of my physiotherapy course and went off to India for postings in April till October. Think the overall highlight of the year was the trip to India. Learnt so many things while I was there. From studies, to friends and about life. My relationship with God has also gotten closer through those few months. I also got to know a really wonderful girl that only by God's grace may happen and not by chance. A year of ups, downs, lefts and rights. A really mixed year that was.

Looking forward to the new year, can't really predict what will happen in the coming year. Will be finishing my diploma around June, and to decide where to continue my degree after that. Looking at a few places but will wait upon the Lord and see where He leads. Will put my trust in Him also in starting a new relationship and thanking Him just for another day of grace that He's granted. Few verses I'll always keep in mind as I face each day no matter good or bad the outcome.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say, rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men, The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God. An the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:3-7

CHRIST-My-Almightly-Saviour

2009-12-17T21:48:00.002+08:00

Christmas is just a week away!!! It's that time of the year where Christmas trees are up, decorations everywhere and people rush of to do their shoppings. Tis the season to be jolly, the season for giving! With the Christmas season all commercialized, are we aware of the true meaning of Christmas?

Indeed Christmas is the season for giving and God gave the greatest present to all. He gave His only son for us, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. We hear of the Christmas story every year and we sing of it in the carols, but do we really feel it in our hearts? Jesus left all His glories in heaven to walk upon this earth and eventually to die for our sins, so that we may be able to come back to God. He did not just die but He rose on the 3rd day, the grave is empty and we rejoice and serve a risen Saviour!

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whosoever beliveth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved. John 3:16-17

Do you want a friend who is always there for you? Through your ups and downs and carries you through all your troubles. Someone who promises to guide you through life's journey, walking with you hand in hand through thick and thin. Find you when you stray too far not to condemn but to lead you back to the proper path and shower you with His love. This friend I have is Jesus. He'll always be there for you, all you need to do is believe in Him and follow Him.

The language of Jesus is love,
Just one word can bring healing and life
To each heart that has hungered,
For kindness and truth
Through the trails, and the triumphs of life

The language of Jesus is love,
It tells the greatest story ever told
Such grace and tenderness,
Mere words could not express
The language of Jesus is love.

I'M BACK I'M BACK!!!!

2009-12-09T22:16:00.002+08:00

Wheeewww!!! It's been a really long time since I've blogged, the last blog was when I was still in India to be exact. Been running around quite abit since I've got back from India. Didn't stay in a particular place for more then 2 weeks since I've been back and this would continue till the end of the year. Travelling, travelling and more travelling! It's been the usual KL-JB travellings and the 1 week each of the road trip with friends and vacation to South Korea with family. Currently back in JB, going for youth camp tomorrow and back to KL on Sunday.

So, Christmas is just around the corner and we stand at the treshold of another year. This year has been a year of many changes, changes for the good and I can see my life slowly moving forward. Not much of a wish-list for this Christmas but loads of thanks to God for bringing me through this year and all the lessons that I've learned throughout the year. For the wonderful experience in India and His protection.

Most of all I thank Him for bringing someone special into my life. She's like a breath of fresh air but takes my breath away when she smiles or looks at me with those beautiful eyes. She can go on talking for hours but has the cutest laugh that can make you all mushy inside. My prayer will be that God will guide us and bless us as we walk down this road together.

All I want for Christmas is YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM

2009-10-08T21:48:00.003+08:00

This time in 1 week I'll be done packed and ready to head to the airport back home. So much has been going on. So many plans has to be cancled or post-pone. Ever had so many things crumble at the same time? So many plans that have to be shifted? Been working on something for so long but then now it's like on hold not knowing weather it can continue. Questions, questions, so many questions and thoughts going through my head. Will it all be deja-vu again?

PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM by CASTING CROWNS
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

"He hath made everything beautiful in His time;" Ecclesiastes 3:11a

CAN I HAVE THIS DANCE

2009-10-05T02:46:00.010+08:00

Imagine a football player coming back after a long injury on the side-lines. That’s also the feeling of how it’s like getting back into the dating scene. Nervous during the first few minuets of the returning competitive match, skills are all rusty and extra effort has to be put in training to get back to form. Dating/being in a relationship can more or less be compared to dancing. Just think of the time put in to perfect that dance move; it isn’t all just because of chemistry between each other. Both parties has to be committed/dedicated to learn the steps together, learn to accept each other’s flaws and work with it, and most of all learn to trust each other. Another thing I learn is also to be very much patient as your partner learns the move. We’re not all born dancers.

Trusting your partner through many difficult manouvers the dance require and be ready to catch each other when either falls, supporting and lifting them up in times of need. So only after practising together and the trust grows only the routine will be perfected. This will then present a couple full of confidence in each other and the dance will be done with perfect harmony and chemistry.

Take my hand ,take a breat
Pull me close and take one step
Keep your eyes, locked on mine
And let the music be your guide.

Won't you promise me (Now won't you promise me)
That you'll never forget (We'll keep dancing)
To keep dancing, wherever we go next

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance?
Can I have this dance?

Take my hand, I'll take the lead
And every turn will be safe with me
Don't be afraid, afraid to fall
You know I'll catch you through it all

And you can't keep us apart (Even a thousand miles can't keep us apart)
Cause my heart is where ever you are

No mountain's too high and no ocean's too wide
Cause together or not, our dance won't stop
Let it rain, let it pour, what we have is worth fighting for
I know I believe, that we were meant to be

THOUGHTS

2009-09-21T01:14:00.003+08:00

Went out shopping again today!!! Things in India are really quite cheap is you know where to look. Anyway, so many things has been going on lately. Was just sitting at the beach today staring out at the open sea, taking a break from the hectic schedule just to be with my thoughts. When you just look around there's so much to blame and think that life is just that unfair, but I would like to take it from a different prespective. To us alot of things may seem unfair, but to God these are things that may help to mould us and shape us for His ways are perfect.

Sometimes God breaks our spirit to save our soul,
Sometimes He breaks our heart to make us whole
Sometimes God sends us pain so we can be stronger,
Sometimes He sends us failure so we can be humble
Sometimes God sends us illness so that we take better care of ourselves,
Sometimes He takes everything so we will value what we have.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isiah 55:9

BROKEN TRUST

2009-09-18T03:40:00.004+08:00

Time really flies when there's so much to do. Can't really believe that I'll be back in Malaysia in less then a month. 27 days to be exact! So many things has changed and is different from when we left Malaysia 5 months ago. Under the glossed-up surface is a constant wave of tension on top of broken trust. It may be something simple but to me, trust plays the biggest role in any form of relationship. Once its broken, its hard to piece it all back. It takes time, patience and a whole lot of pain to put it back. Just like when piecing back together a broken vase. In the end I hope we'll work things out here before going back and leave what's in India in India.
A 5 year old boy asked his friend, "what is friendship"? She replied, "Friendship is when you rob my chocolates everyday from my bag and I still keep it in the same place".

MERDEKA MERDEKA MERDEKA!!!

2009-08-30T21:48:00.004+08:00

So our beloved country, Malaysia, turns 52 tomorrow with the government bringing in the 1Malaysia concept. Do we really need this? All of us has grown up in a multi-racial environment and why are racial tensions still there? Is it the influences from school, public, government or family that causes this? So with all the diversity on the outside but the racial tensions on the inside, does the slogan 'Malaysia, Truely Asia' fits? Just a little thought as we celebrate another year of independence.

On a lighter note, being out of the country gave me the opportunity of what people think about us. You'll only know if we're good or bad when others comment on us. Just a few of it below. This are real comments and not something that I've made up to make us look good.

1. 'Malaysians are really neat and tidy in their dressings' - HOD of the physio department

2. 'I really admire the hygine and cleanliness of Malaysians' - a patient (wait till he goes to the streets of Chee Cheong Kai,lol)

3. 'Malaysian food is really really awesome!!!'- a local student who has been to Malaysia

4. 'Malaysians are really friendly and polite'- from patients and local people

There was alo this few local students whom I think will win the best comment so far. So my friends and I were chatting over a meal together with them. The conversation follows below:

Me: 'Speaking in english with one of the others'

Local dude: Hey, why don't you all speak to each other in your language?

Me: Local language? What local language?

Local dude: Yeah man, like Malaysian language.

Me: LOL!!!

Yeap...after awhile I finally realised what he meant was Bahasa Malaysia as the 'Malaysian language'. So I had to explain to him that BM was only our official language on paper and we speak any other languages with each other. Another thing is the locals really do think I'm from either China or Tibet. Really have to explain to them that I'm a Malaysian-Chinese and a pure Malaysian, nothing to do with China.

To just a few that I've experienced here, on the outside people do see us as one. So are we like this on the inside also? Blessed Merdeka all!!!

INTO THE FUTURE

2009-08-23T12:18:00.005+08:00

Arloe arloe!!! So another week has just gone by, loads of drama going on recently. Oh well, it just adds to the fun =). So our final cas presentations has already started and everyone is on call, not knowing when is their time to present. Damn...how I wish mine would come faster, so I can like not think about it anymore...hehe.

Hrmmm...loads has been going on recently, work wise and on the personal aspect. Developments has been going on and its really exciting but as the same time scary and confusing, So once again everything is commited to God who is the only one who knows what the future brings. Once I'm back in Malaysia then there will be another few more months and I'm done with my diploma, time to think about what's next. So that's the work side. On the personal side, that's another matter to say next time...hehe. Ahhh...the great unknown future...exciting isn't it? =)

I know my future's in Your hand,
All of my hopes and dreams and plans
You give me strength to live,
And faith to succeed
I believe in You,
Because You believe in me.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

PS...going for buffet lunch in awhile, thanks Uncle Lim!!!...woohoo!!! =)

I'M 22!!! =S

2009-08-15T20:52:00.008+08:00

So here I stand at the treshhold of another year older. So much has happend the pass 2 years till now and still so much has been happening. Felt like I've been pulled out from my comfort zone into some kind of wilderness and left there for me to search out the answers and a way out. Those were much trobled times and much pain searching for answers, but what I know is there's someone there with me, walking me through it and towards that light at the end of the tunnel. So as I grow older this year, the one main thought I will take with me from what I've learned speaks out from this song.

VOICE OF TRUTH by CASTING CROWNS

Oh,what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

TIME FLIES...

2009-08-14T02:04:00.003+08:00

Wow...I just realiesed I didn't blog for a whole month =s. Partly due to laziness but mostly due to tireness and there's like sooo much to do. Time really flies so fast when there's so much to do. Can't believe is August already. So just a little update about some things that has happend since the last post.

1. Finally attending church on a regular basis. (New Life AOG in Saidapet which is 45mins away)
2. Watched Transformers 2. (Ah-mazing movie, even better in an Indian cinema!!)
3. Went on the train. (FREAKING AWESOME!!!)
8. One of the physios was so shocked I don't have a gf =S
4. Came down with dihorrea.
5. Rushed like crazy to submit log books.
6. H1N1 suspected cases in the hospital.
7. Starting to miss the food in Malaysia =(

Hrmmm...so think that's about the head-lines for the pass month which I can remember now. Drop me a messege in Facebook or e-mail me if you want to know more =). Sorry if no pictures are up, no thanks to this stupid line. Anyway, it seems like yours truely will be turning another year older in a few days =p. Don't really have much of a wishlist this year...hehe...but there still are some stuff out there =)

1. iPhone 3GS (go check out Maxis website for good packages)
2. Altec Lansing iPod Dock
3. New hard-drive (atleast 350GB)

Think that's about it...hehe. Will try to update on a regular basis =)

HOW TO EAT A MANGO...HRMMM...

2009-06-14T21:50:00.004+08:00

Back from another trip out. Will blog about it later...hehe. This post is about how to eat a kind of special mangoes. These mangoes were brought back by a local friend from his hometown, Vijayawada, Andhra Pradesh. These mangoes are so special that its only found in that area. This is how to eat it =)

This is a mango =) First you have to slowly squeeze it Keep squeezing untill you feel it getting mushy Show it some love while you're at it =) When mushy, bite a hole at the top Just a perfect little hole for your mouth to cover Finally, drink it down like a lassi!!! =)

Yum yum!!! Too bad I can't bring it back to Malaysia as it spoils easily =P. Even he has to pluck it on the morning he is comming back here.

TO ENGLISH OR NOT TO?

2009-06-09T23:08:00.002+08:00

Scanning through the Star online today and came across some really interesting news. DPM/Education Minister of Malaysia wants to make English a subject that has to be passed before gaining a pass in SPM. Finally, they are comming to their senses that English is so important in this time and age. But sadly there are still some short-sighted people in the political scene would want to abolish the teaching of Math and Science in English. Tun Dr. Mahathir sums up this issuse in the only way he used to do, all respect goes to him.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/6/9/nation/4074830&sec=nation

CAN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF THE COOKIE JAR

2009-06-05T23:35:00.005+08:00

Went out to the mall last Sunday. Spencer Plaza to me exact. As advertised, is the largest and most up to date shopping mall in Chennai. So the expectations was there as the days leading up to the day we hit the mall. Big it is, but the inside just seems like Sungai Wang. Crowded shop lots and small shops selling local stuffs. But there are also those international brands like Adidas, Nike and Giordano. There's even KFC, Pizza Hut and Subway!!! People who know me knows that I would rather go for the local food fare...hehe. Anyway, that's not the point of this post. While walking, I smelled something really familiar and very very attractive. A we turn the corner, there is was...a cookie stall!!! Yeap yeap...a COOKIE STALL!!! My taste buds started flowing even it was after we had lunch...hehe.

Stoped to look at it and can't help but stare at all the variety of cookies there. The shop guy saw that we were really interesting and took a piece for us to try. We actually tried every flavour there like how you try the flavours at a Baskin Robins stall. We sort of like kids in a candy shop can't decide what to get and trying more...haha. Ended up buying 2 flavours, chocolate walnut and brandy snap. Its like buy the big box and get the small box free, only INR 390!!! Superb cookies and 2 boxes to keep...what a good deal. Yum Yum!!! Gonna slowly enjoy it while it last...hehe.

PS...I've posted some pictures on http://picasaweb.google.com/blazer8210/ as I can't really use facebook that offen and also its easier to upload pictures here. Will be putting up much more photos of India soon. Enjoy! =)

OCEANS APART, DAY AFTER DAY...

2009-06-01T01:19:00.004+08:00

I miss, I miss, I miss alot of things in Malaysia. But for now what I really really miss is my dear wife. Oh how I miss holding that firm body, running my fingers over her smooth finish, and playing on her right strings for her to produce those sweet melodious sounds. Can't describe how much she has been there for me to comfort me through those tough times, times when I just need someone to comfort and sooth. Also how can I miss the good times, times of celebration. All in all she was there by my side.

We're now seperated by a few thousand miles. Really wished she could be here by my side so many times the pass few weeks. To just be lost in our own world, forget all reality for just that moment spent together. Guess it would be another 4 1/2 months before we can be together once again...

1ST MONTH RAMBLINGS

2009-05-27T01:15:00.004+08:00

I survived my 1st month in India!!!...woohoo!!! Yeap yeap...it has been 1 month already. Time really flies so fast when you have so much to do. Everyday is such a pack day, sometimes even the weekends. Wake up at 7.30am, clock in at the department at 9am, work till 12pm, lunch til 1pm, class from 1pm till 4pm, and then finally break. Life is tiring but its much fun in the process. Can finally see myself doing and enjoying this job inthe future. There's no satisfication like seeing your patient progress and eventually get discharged from the hospital all independent.

So the pass month have been much of accomodating to the lifestyle here. No dihorrea yet...hehe. Things like studies are so not like back in Malaysia. The things we learn back in Malaysia seems like primary school stuff compared to here. So it has really been quite stressful in the study section...hehe. Those who knew me from before wouldn't believe that I actually do take time to study atleast 1 topic every night...wuu-wow!!!

MANGOES MANGOES MANGOES!!! SWEET KAOKAO WEI!!!

LONG AWAITED...

2009-05-23T19:58:00.003+08:00

Finally!!! She's back up and kicking!!! Woohoo!!! For those who didn't know, my lappie fell into a coma last Saturday probably due to heat-stroke. She was fine in the morning but then she started to fall sick in the evening when I came back from class. 1st symptom was the slowness of movement and constant freezing. Eventually she just slipped into a coma where her vitals were working but she just gave no response or visual feed-backs. Started to get really worried as I have exams and a laptop presentation to prepare for the comming week and month.

So I asked around for good computer shops and the concact from Dell India. Finally I called Dell India and explained my problems but they could not do anything as lappie's warranty was over. Started to panic a little as I don't really know where to send my lappie since Dell wasn't able to do anything. Called mum back in Malaysia and in turn she called Dell Malaysia to re-new lappie's warranty. What a relief that brought when I saw the sms from mum. Called Dell India immediately to report my case and they said that a technician would come and fix her up.

So I waited and waited and waited. After a few promises that the technician would come next day but didn't I started to get quite frustrated. Kept on calling and pushing them they said there were waiting for the parts to undergo the transplant as they suspect her mother-board and LCD were spoilt. Finally, the courier guy came around 12pm to send the parts and the technician arrived around 6.30 last Tuesday and I the surgery got underway. Part by part were slowly removed and checked and finally only the mother-board was replaced. Darn, I thought I could also get a new LCD...hehe. No pictures were taken during the surgery due to a camera shy doctor and risk of infection during the surgery. After a 2 hour long surgery, she's finally up and ready once again.
Many thanks to mum and dad for renewing the warranty and Dell India for sending the technician all the way here to save all my trouble to drop it off somewhere. Oh yeah...know why the parts took so long? It was packed in Singapore and flew to Bangalore before being transported to Chennai.

PS...my friend keep asking me to get a proper girlfriend as I keep relating my personal stuffs as my wife (guitar) and many other girlfriends...hehe. =S

NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED...ENJOY!!!

2009-05-07T21:29:00.004+08:00

Just as promised...hehe. This is one of the main things that made me come to India to do my practicals just because its banned in Malaysia. Its nothing illegal if your minds get all clever and all...haha. It really just how amazing the human body can be and how interesting to learn about it. One of if not the most wonderful of God's creation. How everything in the human body just compliments each other to the most of complexity. From the smallest of cells to the organs and all the muscles of the body.

Last Saturday I was able to see the 1st real cadaver in my life!!! Oh man...there were loads of it there with all the different parts if wanted. Had another demo class today and I must say that it does feel like buying peices of meat at the market or Tesco...haha. Was looking at the human ribs today and I have to admit that I can't control my thoughts from the many ways of preparing ribs. Gilled, BBQ-ed, glazed, sup-tulang, and the list goes on...haha. Pictures as follow, get ready...hehehehe =P

PS...kueh chap or bak kut teh anyone????

Yummy...yummy!!!

2009-05-03T23:29:00.003+08:00

So it has been, officially 1 week here in Chettinad Healt City. Honestly I still aint missing Malaysia yet, not even the food...hehe. Anyways, there's a really nice juice place outside my area. Kao kao to the max and fresh...hehe. So gonna have it few times a week. Currently only tried 2 flavours.

Mango Milkshake
Fig Milkshake
And, I know I always been this good =P

PS...wait for the upcomming post...it aint for the faint hearted...hehehe...

VAARNAKAM!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-29T22:02:00.003+08:00

Vaarnakam from Chennai, India!!! For those who don't already know, I'm now in India doing my practicals for 6 monts in Chettinad Hopital and Research Instittute at the Kachipuram district You can go google it if you want, just type Chettinad Health City and you can see a really nice website of it.

So far so good over here in India. It just has been my first week over here. Classes and practicals are getting more and more intense. Sometimes it feels like having final exam every night. Now I really know why top Indian graduates are really wanted in western countries. They really just study study study, so not Malaysian...haha.

The weather here is just hot hot hot!!! But i'm enjoying my new tan...woohoo!!! Can't get a tan like that to maintain back in Malaysia...haha. The food is really simple but very tasty. Much different from the Indian food back home. Alot of flour and carbs, alot alot of milk which is really really fresh milk! Never in my life have I had so much fresh milk in a week. Here comes the muscles!!...I hope...hehehe.

Welcome...welcome!!! =) Yeap...you saw it right...BASKIN ROBINS!!! Only 35IRP 1 scoop!!! Can you spot the goats??

Bittersweet Memories...

2009-04-23T00:54:00.004+08:00

Ahhh...so the moment has come. After a whole day of packing and getting stuff organised I'm finally prepared to go to India, physically atleast. This would be my first time going out of the country for such a long time and to stay in a 3rd world country. Really hard to imagine the conditions over there but I trust that if the people there can survive, so can I =). Seriously don't really had much of an idea of how to pack as my usual routine would just to throw and try to stuff everything in...haha. Thank God for a wonderful mum who is the master of all packers! I'll be going off to KL later in the morning and will be flying off Friday morning at 8.30am from KLIA.

So as I was packing, clearing up of my room was taking place simultaniously. Managed to dig up so much things from the past. Letters, photos, gifts and the usual scribbles here and there. So much memories that is hidden and packed aside in this room just waiting to be found. Some really great memories, some sad memories, but the best of all are those which are bitter-sweet. Seriously I think it would take aleast a few days to shift through everything as everything just holds such great memories.

I found this bag where I put all the letters and pictures of her, of the little things that I took off myself and my stuff when we broke up. I really don't know how to express the feelings when I read through the letters or look at the things we shared. It sort of felt really wonderful but at the same time terrible, thus bitter-sweet memories. This would be the memories that I would be carrying with me to India. The material things may fade away in time but this memories will always stay in my heart as long as I live.

You'll always be a part of me,

I'm part of you indefinetly,

You'll always be my baby.

LEAVING ON A JET-PLANE...

2009-04-21T00:19:00.003+08:00

Alrights, time for some updates. Have been back in JB since last Friday and I'll be going off to India this Friday. Will be flying off at 8.30am from KLIA on Friday morning. I'll be there for 6 months to do my practicals. Yeap...you heard it right, I'm going of to India!!...woohoo!!

After weeks of assigments and exams I finally have the feeling of going off to India...haha. Feeling very very excited but at the same time nervous and I admit, a little scared...hehe. Wonder what will be the lving conditions like and the enviroment there. No matter what the outcome is like, I know my God is there with me wherever I may go and He will be taking care of me. Was browsing through youtube and found this really inspiring song.

THE KATINAS - ONE MORE TIME

Lord, I saw your face last night
When I looked in the sky
You were smiling
You told me it would be okay
You would make a way
In my dark times

Every time I hear your voice
Every time I feel your touch
It makes me know that I can face tomorrow
One more time

When all my friends go away
I'll be glad to say
You're still near me
Even when the wind blows by
I feel warm inside
You're so lovely

I know that I can face tomorrow
'Cause you will walk me through
My pain and sorrow
I know that I can face tomorrow
One more time

8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Of Sneezes, Sniffles and Wooziness...

2009-04-14T23:56:00.003+08:00

Arrgghhh...why of all time I have to be falling sick now when I'm going through my finals. Can't freaking concentrate on studying seh. Stupid nose running a freaking long marathon!!! Oh yeah, did I mention that my place is having no water for 2 days already and it would only be back tomorrow? Some stupid idiot in all his idiotic mind threw down some ceremic tiles and it broke the water pipes. Damn that freaking idiot lar...ish...sorry for my mood now, just feeling really super irritatied...arrggghhh!!! Gonna go try study more before I pengsan again...

PS...on a nicer note, I got a new pair of shoes!!!...woohoo!!!

Yeap...orange fever is back!!! =p

1 Thing, 2 Do, 3 Words, 4 You...

2009-04-14T08:23:00.002+08:00

Back blogging once again after such a long time. Havent been updating due to the stupid internet connection and also just plain lazy...hehe.

Hrmm...if only things were just as easy as 1234. If only love was just as easy as this. These words till now is only to that certian person, I know its been some time but this things don't just die off for nothing. She's just so perfect in so many ways, the lyrics really describes who she was and still is to me. Oh well...just listen to the song and follow the lyrics.

PLAIN WHITE T'S - 1234

Give me more lovin' than I've ever had
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely gettin' mad, I'm so glad I found you
I love bein' around you
You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you

Give me more lovin' from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Best that I've had, I'm so glad that I found you
I love bein' around you
You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you
I love you

iPHONE 3G COMES TO MALAYSIA...THANKS TO MAXIS!!!

2009-03-20T00:57:00.003+08:00

Woohoo!!!!!!! It's finally here!!! The launch of the iPhone 3G is just hours away thanks to Maxis. Finally able to get my hands on an iPhone legally. Seriously, I really think that Maxis is really trying to get me to book the iPhone. I've recived 3 smses asking me to book the new iPhoe 3G and got 2 e-mails from Apple to get the iPhone. Yeah man!!! Can't wait to get my hands on it, but sadly I havent booked it yet. Have to wait for my dad. Oh well...patience...

*SLUUUURRRPPPPP*

Jason Mraz Live In Malaysia 2009!!!

2009-03-11T22:01:00.006+08:00

This post is long over-due...haha. Jason Mraz Live in Malaysia was excatly 1 week ago, and I was there!!! woohoo!!! All I can say is that's he's just super duper freaking kao AWESOME! He's sooooo much better live then in the recording. Really great acoustic version of 'You and I Both'. Damn...he's just that darn good...hehehe. To top it up, the place was just really that super hot also. All of us sweated like mad, check out the before and after pictures later...hehe.

Ahhhh...was at Plaza Low Yat on Monday, went around looking and checking the price on the iPhone 3G. So just as that happend, I opened the star online just 30mins ago and the news 'Maxis to bring iPhone 3G to Malaysia on March 20'. Was stunned for like 5 seconds and the OMG!!! The iPhoe 3G is finally oficially comming to Malaysia!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp%20file=/2009/3/11/nation/20090311181523&sec=nation. Hrmmm...time to change my 4 year old SonyEricsson w810i...hehehe

Be Thou My Vision

2009-02-16T00:07:00.002+08:00

A very meaningful hymmn to follow-up on my previous post. Shall just let the lyrics speak for itself.

Be Thou my vision O Lord of my Heart
Naught Be all else to me save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom and thou my true Word
I ever with thee and Thou with me Lord
Thou my great Father and I Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one

Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High king of heaven my treasure Thou art

High king of heaven my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joy, Bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision O ruler of all

Still be my vision O ruler of all!

Personal Reflections

2009-02-15T23:32:00.004+08:00

How fast time really flies. At the moment of typing now I'm also studying for my mid-semeter exams which starts tomorrow, the last theory semester. It just seemed like a barely a year ago I started my physiotherapy course. Looking back on the pass 2 years really did teach me alot of lessons. Ahh...6 years ago on this day I started a wonderful relationship with a girl that would
bring me my best years and break my heart the hardest. How fast did those years flew by.

The passage and sermon this morning in church really struck me and got me thinking. The passage read was from Matthew 14:22-36. A familliar account of Jesus walking on water. The versus that really cought my attention was verse 29-31, "And He said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth His hand, and cought him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?". Personally I could relate much to this verse.

Think most of you who read my blog would know that I'd gone through a really turmoil time in my life just over a year ago. Things were falling apart and I really felt like the diciples who were in that storm. I did look to God at first and started to get closer to Him to find answers and comfort but eventually the problems kept increasing and my faith waivered and I begin to sink again. Some of you might know but I think most of you would not know that I sort of lost much of my faith. Sometimes its really just so hard to find peace when the answers were not forth-comming. To cut the long story short, I really thank God that He has be there helping me to pull through all that I was going through and to get my spiritual life back on track.

At the adult Bible study just now, we were discussing on a very interesting topic of "Why Did God Create Man?". Did you ever thought of it? There are my theories and thoughts on this subject and it is also written in the Bible but its not very much clear on our specific puropose and the reason why God created us. Anyway, what I personally got out of this study from just now and going through it again was that God did not reveal everything to us is because maybe He wants us to have a sense of self-discovery, a sense of learning as we progress in our lives. The answers to our troubles and problems might not be answered now but as we look back a few years down the road from now we might just find something. We might discover that if that particular event did not happend we won't be the better person that we become. God is indeed present in our lives. The more we try to run away from Him, the harder He would try to bring us back to Him.

20cents Of Ramblings...

2009-02-07T21:11:00.003+08:00

Ahhh...finally got to watch Twlight after so long. Yeap I know the craze over it might be over but I just got my hands on it. Its quite well played out the story line and the acting is very natural and honest. More or less just like what we see in everyday life. Also finally understand why girls go gaga over Edward especially after reading the book...lol.

Anyway, was on Friendster the pass week and I saw this really interesting bulletin post which I find is really true. Guys I bet you all will echo the amen on this...haha. So listed below is the bulletin, "21 Things Girls Don't Realise About Guys".

1. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
2. Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile =)
4. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
5. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
6. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
7. A usual act that a guy likes you is when he teases you.
8. GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!!!
9. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.
10. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
11. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something.
12. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
13. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me.
14. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
15. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
16. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are mad confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
17. A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
18. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just to stubborn to admit it.
19. Not all guys are rude. Just because one is rude, dosen't mean he represents them all.
20. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to talk to you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
21. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.

Oh well, just my 20cents worth of thought. Most of it I could relate it to myself, especially 2 and 21.

Woohoo x 2!!!

2009-02-04T00:05:00.003+08:00

Woohoo!!! What a start to the new year. So far so good or I might say, so far so great!!! Finally got my Jason Mraz tickets!!! Alright, alright, might be a little too much but who cares...haha. Went straight to Mid-Valley to get them after comming back to KL. Can't wait for March 4th now!!..woohoo!!!
Next on the list is equally great. Got my last semester's results yesterday. Dum dum dum...was nervous like anything while openning up the slip. When it was open, OMG!!!! I got straight As!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! Can't even remember when was the last time I had straight As...haha. I know I'm might be over-reacting a little again but after all the pass semesters of almost getting it, its finally here! Woohoo!!! Want to know my secret? Studying in Starbucks helped loads...haha.

Really thank God for helping me through the pass exam and getting the results. Indeed He is the stregth behind all my trials and my troubles. Praise be to God!!!

I can do all things through Christ wich strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

DONG DONG DONG QIANG!!!

2009-01-31T00:42:00.005+08:00

HAPPY AND BLESSED CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! So here we are at the door-step of the year of the moo-moos!!! Hope everyone is having a great time visiting and filling up their wallets with ang pows. Oh yeah, and of cause the food!!! Let us all be hardworking in collecting more ang pows this year if you guys are like me where recession has also hit the ang pows :s.

This year's chinese new year has been the usual for me. Eating and eating and eating, oh did I mention more eating?? Pictures will be up shortly once I get it all sorted out. Food was really great this year, or maybe I just sudently had a really good appetite. For those who really know me might know that I do have this period of time where I can't stop eating...hehe. Oh well, should not waste food right, have to think of those people in poor countries who don't have food.

Alrights, once again wishing everyone to have a great and blessed new year ahead. There are many uncertanties ahead but with God's blessings and guidence we can pull through.

PS. Atleast we hope it won't turn out like this!!!

Say It With Music

2009-01-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

I shall let the lyrics of the songs speak for this post. This is what I felt and was going through for the last 2 weeks of my 2008.

MYMP - Only Reminds Me Of You

I see you, beside me
It's only a dream
A vision of what used to be
The laughter, the sorrow
Pictures in time
Fading to memories

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

Chorus:
I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When i turn out all the lights
Even the night
It only reminds me of you

The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...

Looking Back, Looking Forward

2008-12-29T01:00:00.003+08:00

Ahhh...here we are once again at the treshold of another year. Time to say goodbye to 2008 and move on to 2009. 2008 for me personally passed very fast. It was a year of sorting things out, a year of questionings and a year full of new experiences. Time really does fly very very fast in 2008. So many questions but so little answers. Oh well...just got to live with it.

You know, its really interesting to hear people making new year resolutions. So what's really the point of making a new year's resolution? Is it something that helps us to kick-start the new year in a positive manner or is it really a goal/target that we work towards to? Do we really keep our resolutions? "I want to loose weight", "I want to start an exercise programme to keep fit", "I want to be a better person this year". Just some of the common things I hear when people are making their resolution. Oh well...I don't believe in making new year's resolution because if I really wanted to do something I would just do it. Spontaneous and impulsive. No time limit but a goal to be achieved.

So what awaits in the new year? The recent financial meltdown will be in most people's minds. How will the global economy be in the new year? How bad it would hit Malaysia? Better more, how bad it would affect my life-style? Seriously, 2009 will be a really new year for me. A year that hopefully will turn out much better as the way its about to start. Many questions still lingers and I hope that it would be answered. Expecting new challanges and new experiences as the year progresses, as I complete my final theory semester and go into clinical postings. Who know where I'll be after March. Stay in KL, back in JB or even posted to India. We shall see where the Lord leads. Guess I really do need to trust in Him more. If ever were to make a resolution, it would be to understand and practise the verse more.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Merry Little Christmas?

2008-12-14T17:55:00.003+08:00

Wow...just realised I havent posted anything for more then a month. Expected this blog to be dead much longer. Anyway, Christmas is around the corner. Mostly by this time people will be making their Christmas wishlist and so on. Have been doing alot of Christmas shopping for the pass week. Yeap, the damage has been done to my bank account...hehe. The best part is that I didn't buy anything for myself! But buying things for people can be also quite therapeutic as I found out, or maybe its just about spending money? Hrmm...hehe. Alrights, aint gonna crap much. So this is my Christmas wishlist below.

1. Latest original Malaysian jersey. (and I mean ORIGINAL NIKE)
2. iHome or equivalet iPod dock. (good sound quality, preferbally with alarm and radio)
3. New shoes. (seriously can't get enough of them)
4. iPhone
5. Peanut plushie. (those who watch Jeff Dunham would know)

Ok...who am I kidding here. What seriously I want for this Christmas is nothing material. If only I could see her or have a day out with her. That would be the best Christmas present ever. Is it really that unhealthy to keep thinking about her? But I like thinking about her.

How many times can I break till I shatter?

Music

2008-11-01T22:25:00.002+08:00

Muisc - an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color.

Of all the many definitions of music, this is undoubtly the most significant one that really brings out the element of this thing we call music. There is so many types of music in our age now. Just to name a few common ones there is classical, pop, rock, r'n'b, and techno. Not forgetting soul/blues, regge and samba. Rock itself bridge out to metal, punk, gothic, metal and so many more. To cut things short, modern day music all has its roots in those four major genre.

Anyway, the point I want to make is what music is to us. What do we feel when we listen music? Does music really influence our thinking and our lifestyle? Do we just listen to the melody and forgo what ever the lyrics is saying? Ever wonder that music lyrics stays in our head so easily rather then what we read or study? There is just so many types of music to suit the moods we are currently going through.

Music is and has been a very large part of me ever since I heard my first tune, ever since I stroke my first keys on the piano and ever since I played my first chords on the guitar. It has always been such a strong influence in so many parts of my life. Good music to me would be the melody first but great music will be the lyrical content before the melody. We should not just blindly hum or sing along with the song before going through the lyrics as the lyrical content might just not be right.

Finally, appreciating music is also the same as getting to know a person. We are first attracted to a song by its melody. This is just like being attracted to a person at first sight. Their eyes, hair or smile. Then there comes the lyrics. When we go through the lyrics and find out the meaning of the song we tend to apprericiate the song more. In the same way going through the lyrics is just like getting to know a person better. To know the person's character, likes and dislikes, and really who they are. Overally it leads us to appreciate the song or the person so much better. The song eventually stays in our head as the person does.

So I say, thank you for the music
The songs I'm singing
Thanks for all, the joy their bringing
Who can live without it,
I ask in all honesty
What would life be,
Without a song or dance what I'll be,
So I say thank you for the music,
For giving it to me.

If I Never Knew You...

2008-10-25T12:11:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to a person who holds a very special place in my heart. I would never felt so loved before if we never met, if we never knew each other. She showed me how to love and to be love back with so much patience and care. She gave me a love no one could give but somehow hatred and anger took over. Since the moment that we've met until now after all that we've gone through, there's no moment I regret, no moment I want to forget. Really I wish I could turn back time or change what is happening now. Happy Birthday Lee Wen Yi!

If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be
And, if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How, at last,
I'd find in you
The missing part of me

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes; so dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

If I never knew you I'd be safe, but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true
I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful (so beautiful)
Somehow, we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love would be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And, still, my heart is saying we were right
We were right

And, if I never knew you (if I never knew you)
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

PS. I Love You

Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett - Way Back Into Love

2008-10-01T23:38:00.002+08:00

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Wooziness into philosophical

2008-09-23T00:16:00.003+08:00

Recently I realised that my body is no more like that when I was a 15 year old. Late nights, heavy exercise without sufficient sleep and bad eating habits is taking a toll on me. Have been feeling rather lethargic combined with stuffy nose and wooziness. Maybe its just because I have been studying so much lately that also causes psychological stress together with physical stress. Can't wait for the holidays in a weeks time!!!

One of my friends sort of became quite philosophical lately with all of her thinkings. Indeed there was something good that come out of it, the answer that many have been looking for. Ever wondered why we can just be so angry at someone and it will eventually lead us to hate that person? The answer is love. The reason why we feel so angry towards someone is because we actually love and care for that person. Allow me to try and explain on this point.

Just imagine you are driving on the road and another car just cuts into your lane without warning. Yes, we would be angry but its only for that moment, for that day at most. But if someone we really love and care for hurts us in anyway, we would really feel angry and dissapointed as we won't be expecting them to do such a thing to us. This feeling will not only last for the day, it would last for days, weeks, months or even years if the conflict is not delt properly. Friendships and relationships are broken so easily just because of this.

Friends become enemies in split seconds, couples break up, married couples divorce, everything just leads back to dissapointment that leads to anger and eventually hatered for each other. Sadly to say its usually due to trivial matters left unresolved that slowly builds up as relationship debris and eventually the lip pops open. Some try to argue thier way out, some try to find other ways, couselling to clear this mess but eventually it still boils down to the individuals involve. Are they willing to resolve this or are they going to judge the other person base on dissapointments?

Love for each other is always there. To me, love is everlasting, it is forever. How much we hate the other person, we still look back in love for them. We still care for them, we still miss them. Once we look under the debris of dissapoinments, anger and words, the love that was shared is still there. Its just like the sun being blocked by the clouds for awhile. We can't say that the sun is not there when the clouds block it as the sun will always be there just like the love between individuals under the debris of relationships. Clearing the mess will indeed take much time and pain but the end result will be understanding each other much better, in turn building a stronger relationship and finding a love that is everlasting.

A perfect couple is not when two perfect persons come together, it is when two imperfect person learn their differences and accept each others.

Can We Change The Pass?

2008-09-15T23:11:00.003+08:00

If you stayed, If we tried,

If we could only turn back time...

Having insomia for the pass few days. Feeling super tired but just can't get to sleep. Probably my biological clock changed a little due to the exams pass week and also I did have alot of things going through my mind. As we look forward to the future, do we look back at the pass with pride or do we look back willing that we could change certian aspects of it?

Recently watched 'The Butterfly Effect', rather old movie but really interesting story-line. Its about this person who has the ability to travel back to his pass just by reading through his journal or looking at a picture. He first found it out when he was trying to recall memories as he reads his journals. He travels back in time to change things in his pass in order to try and make things better in the future but everytime he changes something, something in the future goes bad.

Anyway, my point is do we want to change our pass? Obviouly we go through life with much regret that we carry around as baggage. Honestly, I would really like to change some parts of my pass but is it worth it? The ending of the movie really struck me with thoughts. We have to take the bullet ourselves to ensure the happiness of those around especially for those we love most. Sometimes I really wish that things didn't turn out as it is, but do wishes really come true? How much can we really do if our life is already planned out?

To move on is such a scary thought. The pass memories will eventually catch up with us no matter how far we run. As the famous saying goes, we'll never know if we never tried. Hrmmm...

You left a mark

I wear it proudly on my chest

Above my heart

To Remind me that I feel the best

When I'm with you

Relaxation...

2008-09-12T02:35:00.002+08:00

Woohoo!!! Mid-sems are over!!! 1 week of crazy nights studying and cramming my brains. Time to look forward to a relaxing weekend. Recently I've kind of made quite an interesting observation as I was listening to Chris Daughtry's songs. Of all the 5 singles that have been released on radio sort of have a story line to it. Its like breaking up with his girl and till now is trying to patch things up. Let me try to explain this point by listing the songs in order.

1. Its Not over (after breaking up we do go into denial and try to fix things)
2. Over You (we tend to get over the person probally due to anger and defeat that nothing more can be done)
3. Home (he gets depressed and heads home to find the people he loves and belongs)
4. Feels Like Tonight (try as we might we still are in love with the person and want to make up)
5. What About Now (it sure is tough to patch things up but still we keep trying)

Alright...that's my observations when I try to distract myself from studying...haha. Just finished watching 'The Love Guru'. Hillarous and super lame in a nonsense sense but there is also some true messages that came out from the movie. Indeed there is no short cuts in love and we do need to learn to love ourselves before we can love another person.

What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Mentally Lethargic

2008-09-09T00:23:00.003+08:00

Yeap yeap, I'm having my mid-semester exmas this week. Done with 2 papers today, 3 more to go!!! Gone are the days of A-levels where I just go for exams and do it. Feeling super mentally drained now. Havent studied so much since...hrmm...can't even remember when I've studied so much...haha. So going to party and let it all out this weekend or probably just lay around doing nothing catching up on sleep. Oh where oh where are my Raya holidays???!!!

How nice is it now to be laying on a beach, enjoying the sun, sand and the beautiful view. Peaceful yet full of excitement to be experienced. A nice chilled cock-tail in hand, barbacued burger in the other. Jamming on the guitar and just escaping from reality watching the world pass me by as people go around doing thier buisness. Ahhhh...

Okok...I'm going insane...hehehe. Need to go back to studying now. Just needed to destress abit...arggghhhhh!!!

Birthdays, Chilling and Movies!!!

2008-09-03T00:46:00.005+08:00

Ahhh...just came back from hanging out with Christine, Jo, Wei Way, Churn Haw, Jason and Leslie. Long long time didn't see this people already. Had dinner at OUG and went over to Mid-Valley for a movie. Honestly, that movie is super no meaning to me. Expected much better from a movie with Vin Diesel staring in it. Its really just bo liao...dissapointing.

Was at Mid-Valley again last Friday to celebrate Calvin and Angel's birthday. Obviously we had loads and loads of food at Pizza Hut. Movie marathon after with Money No Enough 2 and You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Totaly laughing our asses off throughout both movies.

Watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall on Saturday at home. This is a movie which kind of got me thinking. Is it really that easy to forget someone and move on in a new relationship? Hrmm...

Guess only this things only happends in movies...

LIKING or LOVING?

2008-08-10T22:34:00.003+08:00

So recently I have been thinking about the term liking and loving someone. Obviously it has its own distinct meaning to each word. Friends have been breaking up and getting back together lately and it really just got me thinking. So here I go trying to explain it in my own understanding.

First we have the word 'like'. The word like usually comes at the beginning of the relationship. Its used is a very objective and material way. We like the other person's hair, eyes, smile, character, the clothes they wear etc. Basically its the first impression that strikes us to find interest in the person. It makes us want to know the person better, to find common ground and eventually get into a relationship with each other. Then we would start liking the person's presence as they build together the relationship through the common ground that is found. But like only goes so far in a relationship until the honeymoon period is over when we don't see our other half as the perfect one anymore.

On the other hand we have love. Love is a feeling that really is undescribable by words. It is a feeling of bliss that cheers straight to the deepest part of our hearts even in our darkest period. Love is accepting the other person no matter what thier fault or short-commings are. It is seeing the person as who they are, the person who we will still love if everything was taken away. Loving someone dosen't need a reason. What if the reason is no more there? Do we stop loving the person? We can stop liking someone when they change but we can't stop loving someone that we really give our love to. That person will always have that special place in our heart no matter what.

So that is what I think and loving someone. Anyway, your's truely will be 21 next Saturday...hehe. As usual people will put up a wish list on what do they want for their birthday. Let me not break this tradition and list down a few things.

1. ipod touch
2. iphone (yes I do want both...:p)
3. bag
4. shoes (I always enjoy a new pair of footwear =))
5. guitar (preferbally a Gibson semi-acoustic)
6. tickets to Avril's concert
7. a bilingual englind-mandrin Bible (learning how to do Bible study in mandrin)

Okay okay, don't think I'll get everything in that list but its called a 'wish list' for a reason right? Anyway, forget the list. The only wish I have is to be reunited with that special person that I gave my love to and still holds that special place in my heart.

You'll Always Be My Baby

2008-08-02T18:32:00.002+08:00

The start of a new month didn't really started good. Had the sniffles two days ago and still recovering. Went for a futsal competition organised by my college today but really dissapointed by my own performance. Ended up now with a medial colleteral ligament sprain and unable to flex my right kneee (Basically I sprained a ligment in my right knee and unable to bend it). Anyway, Passion is tomorrow!!!!....hehehe. Have been waiting for this event for 3 long months and its tomorrow!!!

Have you ever felt like Will Smith in the movie Hitch? Well I have. I could give advice and help on in people's relationship but fail terribly in mine. It really makes me happy to see friends making up after an argument or a fight but somehow the same methods does not work on my own. To see them getting back together and moving forward after the argument really brings great joy to my heart but as I look back at myself, the joy turns to depression. I'm not desperate but at times it really does seem like there is something missing, a big gap in my heart that only one person could fill.

If You Stayed, If We Tried, If We Could Only Turn Back Time.
But I Guess, We'll Never Know.

2008-07-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

So it has been a week since I've been back in KL. Classes are going on quite fine thise semester. So much better then the previous one. Last Saturday I had the opportunity to have dinner with a good friend of mine and also to catch up on each other. There was alot of catching up to do and eventually the conversation moved to our ex-es. This really got me thinking so much about my ex, Wen Yi. The pass years was the best years of my life till date. Being active in activities in school, going to college and experiencing such wonderful college life while doing my A-leves in UCSI. Indeed those were the best years but being together with her just made it complete.

I've seen friends got attached, had the time of thier life with the person they love the most at the moment and being in that state of ecstasy called love. How wonderful is that feeling to love someone and to be loved back by the person that you would give your all. The state of being in love and how the relationship progress varies from each couple but the end result of break-up seems the same. No matter how long and how close the couple got together, they would probably end up no better then total strangers after they break-up. Just as though nothing has ever happend. Is this some kind of way that helps people to move on my denying the fact that it ever happend? If this is it then why do people get attached when they know that if they break-up they will treat each other like total strangers?

I never regretted a single second being together with her. The only regret is that we broke up and I couldn't do anything about it. I still do miss her, I still do love her. I even dreamt about her this morning. If only I could turn back the hands of time. Sometimes I really wonder if she still thinks of me, if she misses me. I still care about her and times its so hard to talk to her as she always thinks that I have some hidden agenda. Is it that hard to care for someone? If dreams are really wished that our heart makes when we're fast asleep, then I really wish that she will come back into my life. Guess this may even be too much to ask for a birthday wish.

It's Always Darkest Before Dawn

2008-07-16T22:48:00.005+08:00

Hrmmm...it looks like this blog has been dead for awhile, that's because I'm just kind of lazy to blog and even when times I want to blog I hold back because it was some quite personal issues. So anyway, in a nut-shell, I'm on holiday, finally fnished the stupid semester. I've been on holiday for 1 month already and will be going back to KL this Sunday. Not the greatest holiday I must say. Slacking alot most of the time, lazing around the house, and there are also a few very unpleasent incidents that had happend.

Emo-ness aside, I had durians for the pass 3 days!!! Oh it aint left-overs, its all fresh and arrived fresh on the day. YUM YUM!!! My bro finally bought his DLSR, a Cannon Eos 450D. Ahhh...the wonders of a DSLR that can do. I shall let the photos speak for themselves.

I think I havent really introduced the newest addition to the family. Her name is Trixie, she's a mixed between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Pincher.

Yeap yeap...dogs do go emo and she bites everything!!! Oh what a bundle of joy she is. Go check out her blog at ramblingsoftrixie.blogspot.com. Yeap she has her own blog!!!

So to end off this post, ironically its exactly 1 more month to my 21st birthday. How I can't wait to finally hit 21...not!!! But I do accept great presents. Hrmmm...the new iPhone sounds real good...hehe.

2008-06-05T21:20:00.005+08:00

CROCS CROCS CROCS!! Yeap yeap...I bought a new Crocs!!! Oh how I love Crocs footwear now...haha. Its light, comfy and so much suitable for casual wear. So its 2 now to my collection. Nice to do some retail therapy once in awhile especially to brighten up my day. Nothing better then a nice new piece of footwear. Ahhh...

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty
Its empty

2008-05-27T23:23:00.002+08:00

HERE IN MY HOME - MALAYSIAN ARTISTES FOR UNITY

Finally, a song that makes me proud to be a Malaysian. Done by artist and figures in the public eye to promote racial harmony and a single nation. This song should be sung in parliment, in schools or just anywhere in this country rather then Negaraku. Its time to realise that this country is for all races, time to stop looking at each other according to race but as Malaysians. A new race should be born and should be called 'Bangsa Malaysia'.

Politicians especially should take note of this and stop playing the racial card. We are all one nation and deserve equal rights in school, buisnesses and in the government. We should have capable and qualified people holding major positions rather then apointment according to race. The tide is shifting towards this goal after what happend early this year. Its time for the government and the rakyat to look towards embracing nationalism, towards a united people called Malaysians.

Quote Mr. Lee Kwan Yew before the formation of Malaysia, "Malaysia for Malaysians".

2008-05-15T13:29:00.004+08:00

MARIE DIGBY MARIE DIGBY MARIE DIGBY!!! She's just awesome!!! Was over at 1 Utama with James yesterday to catch her live showcase. Skipped a movie just to watch her sound-check and to take a picture with her. Yes I got a picture with Marie!!! Man she's sooo cute!!!hehehe. Ok...I admit...I'm crazy over her...haha..

Anyway to top up a great day I did go home with mixed feelings. Saw her at the event that added to the feelings. I has been atleast 8 months since I saw her in person and not in pictures. Yes I still do miss her and love her. She's just such a big part in my life. I know I have to move on and try to forget the pass but why do I want to forget someone who has given me the best years of my life to date? To meet her there was great but also filled with much sadness and regret. The 'if only...' and 'what if...' questions have been playing in my head for the pass few weeks. I tried to distract myself from all of this but it just catches up with me. I just can't show the same love and care to another person other then her. Guess for now this heart is only for her.

Ironically, I have been thinking of her for the pass few weeks and also have been dreaming of her. This is why I was a little moody at times and walk around like there is a do not disturb sign placed on my forehead. Dreams of her was sweet but it turns to nightmares when I'm about to wake up probably due to the fact that we are not together when I wake up. Flashes of the pass keeps coming back recently, I wonder if its reminding me of something nice or just haunting me and filling me with regret. So what will the days ahead bring, I don't know. Many people have been telling me the same things. "If we are in His plans, then we will be together one day". Somehow, somewhere I still feel there is a gilimmer of hope, but how far can feelings go?

This is the third time this week
That I find myself wandering down your street - and i can't seem to give it up.
I've even stopped making these excuses for why you're stuck here in my thoughts when it's been long enough.
I try to keep myself moving, but i'm not going anywhere..

I wait in the same spot
brain like a parking lot
you're the traffic in my head
you're the reason why i'm wrecked
I pray for it to stop
like rain on the sidewalk
traffic in my head
you're the traffic in my head
there's just too much to forget

guess i should be happy now
everything is back to how it was
before you came around
i'm already changing
i've even tried to find a new distraction
but still you surround
as if it's not hard enough

a part of me thinks that i'm going crazy
the world's spinning
my vision is hazy
and none of this makes any sense
i never meant for this to end
i can do what i have to do..
if i could only get around you

I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting for
The droplets, droplets

You left a mark
I wear it proudly on my chest
Above my heart
To Remind me that I feel the best
When I'm with you
To me everything is effortless
You know its true
My eyes are painted with regret and I don’t need it

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting to fall and sink into your tears

2008-05-03T21:57:00.003+08:00

Damn...I just need to release. I foresee a long 2 months ahead after my first week of classes. Although its just 7 weeks, I will seem like forever!!! We're doing LAN subjects this semester, Malaysian Studies, Moral Studies, English and Computing Studies. To make this interesting its all tought in BM. Yeap you saw it, BAHASA MELAYU, FREAKING BAHASA MELAYU!!! I did A-levels to aviod this stupid language and now its back!??!! OMG!!! Can't even understand what the lecturer is crapping at all. To top it up, having freaking lame lectureres will even make the class more exciting. Just imagine the lecturer teaching English can't even speak English properly and freaking lame malay lecturers coming up with lame jokes which normally involves so called malay words which seem more like modified english. Darn...

I mean what's the point in teaching the subject in BM when the main points and terms are modified english?? So why do we need to learn BM? Waste 2 months studying a stupid language that is only used in this freaking small country?? What's the point of learning a language that is so much derived from the english language? Eg. computer-komputer, location-lokasi, technology-teknologi, and we can just go on and on. What's the point of learning classic malay or royal malay language when we don't use it now?? Damn the Malaysian education system!!! Can't really blame the system actually as the head is a malay...sooo...WTF!!! Trying to pomote the use of english language but you youself can't even speak proper english and resorting to know more about the malay language. I rather improve my mandrin which is more widely used then study BM which only this freaking country uses. Even french or spanish is so much more interesting. Atleast it sounds more original.

Once again I do wonder what am I doing in this shit-hole. Its just not the place for me. I might offend some people here but too bad. Sometimes you guys just have to face up to the facts that BM aint that great and you guys aint that great because you're the majority and can change the term Bahasa Melayu to Bahasa Malaysia to sound less racist. Its still a sucky language!!!

2008-03-31T23:44:00.003+08:00

Finally my blog has reached 100 posts and now its the 101th post. Been reading through my pass posts lately. Really makes me wonder how I got through the pass year. Yes the memories are still there and it still hurts. Will be having my final exams next week and my 1st year in Masterskill will come to an end in 3 weeks. So many things has happend and so much that I've gone through. Still not really enjoying myself here and still feeling confused. It will also be a new month tomorrow...what will the rest of the year bring? Just got to know this song, its sort of like God was talking to me when I first heard this song and read the lyrics.

DISCIPLE - AFTER THE WORLD

You break the glass, try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you'll find it again

Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue sky ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you?
I hope you feel those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you

I'm the One that you've been looking for
I'm the One that you've been waiting for
I've had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have My eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade?
I want to be the One that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away

Isn't My life a clear sign since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between Me and you?
And I will do it all over again
Just look for Me, just wait for Me

2008-03-27T01:04:00.002+08:00

I just have to post this to follow up on my previous post. Just find it so damn interesting why do we go through so much pain just for love but its just so true.

1. Girl's always smell good even if it is just shampoo
2. The way their head always finds the right spot on our shoulders
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5 . The way they kiss you and all of sudden everything in the world is right
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way it takes them hours to get dressed but in the end it's all worthwhile
8. Because they are always warm even if it's -30 outside
9. They look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13 . The way they smile
14. The way you feel after you see her name on your cell after you just had a big fight
15. The way they say "lets not fight anymore"- even though you know that an hour later...
16. The way they kiss you after a fight
17 . The way they kiss you after you say "i love you"
18. Actually..The way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. They way they apologize after crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt *i think every girl is guiltyof this! :)
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it)
23. The way they say "i miss you"
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so it doesn't hurt her anymore.

Yet regardless if you love them, hatet hem, wish they would die or know that you would die without them, it matters not! Because once in your life,whatever they are to the world, they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, travel the depths of their souls and say a million things without trace of sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beats of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper do it justice. It is a thing of not the mind but the heart.

2008-03-25T23:30:00.002+08:00

Is it just me? Is it just that I don't feel like I belong here and fit in here? I always thought that I could adapt to different enviroments but this time just seems too much for me. I just feel so caged and surrounded by barries here. The thinking of people is too freaking conservative and the lifestyle is so damn inactive. Its just not my style!!! I'm not conservative, not chinese enough and especially not asian enough to be here.

Maybe its also just that I'm born in the year of the rabbit that I really show its characteristics. The constant need for freedom to express myself and the need for a companion. Just take a rabbit for a pet, it indeed needs a companion if not it won't surivive for very long. Even if its partner dies it will commit suicide due to the lost of a companion. Being single is so much tougher then I imagined. There's like nobody to share my true feelings anytime I want. Its like everybody just have thier own lives to lead. Sometimes I even wonder why do I care so much about other people's problems but unable to share or express my own. I can advice people in relationships but I seem like a failure myself as I can't even help myself. I really don't feel like myself and don't like the me that seems like I'm changing to be. People do say that I'm changing for the better but it seems like more and more torture for me.

If love is painful, and torture us. So, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self? Why? It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

Love hurts our feeling, but it's also the reason that heals our soul...somehow I would love to echo this statement with all conviction...

STACIE ORRICO - MORE TO LIFE

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure...
There's gotta be more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing,
I'm searching for something that's missing

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....
Always... Always...

2008-03-22T21:34:00.003+08:00

Easter is tommorrow and instead of the usual easter story, this easter will be a time of reflection for me. It has been a tiring week and it will b more in the comming weeks but somehow there is this battle raging in my mind again. CF easter rally on Tuesday was awesome and indeed my life is re-writable but it would take alot of pain and effort. So this easter and for the comming weeks this are the few points that I hope will bring me to some answers as I reflect.

1. Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.

2. Sometimes, God breaks our heart to make us whole.

3. Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.

4. Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.

5. Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.

6. Sometimes, God takes "EVERYTHING" away from us so we can learn the value of "EVERYTHING" we have.

Casting Crowns - Who Am I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

Jeremy Camp - Walk By Faith

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

2008-03-15T22:42:00.003+08:00

O-TOWN - NOTHING AT ALL

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realized
It's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something, somewheres got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older, older
You know I'd fight for you
But how can I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When youve reached the bottom
It's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you in memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it, show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it, know it
Don't make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time to show and tell

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've
Got no more room
No room inside for me in your life

2008-03-10T10:51:00.002+08:00

Waking up to see a new dawn in the history of Malaysia. Finally true democracy has arrived, or maybe just for the moment but obviously we could see the rakyat were not voting for candidates but just against BN. Today we will witness 4 new Chief Ministers in 4 states that the opposition won over from BN. Where would Malaysia go from here? Where would BN go from here? Where would Pak Lah go from here?

I think its time for Pak Lah to stand up and really be a PM and not just a smiley friendly guy. The honeymoon period has long gone and its time to step-up and speak-up rather then just giving text book answers. We wouldn't want the repeat of silence over controversial issues that disturbs racial harmony such as the keris waving and kissing event by the Education Minister. Of all people he should be educated enough to not produce such action to anger the rakyat and most of all the other component parties of BN. This just shows how UMNO wants to dictate the movement of the party and the nation. Policies from the party can just become policies of the nation. Its all just about protecting their rights and being in their comfortable life. Even the malays don't trust UMNO as it is show by BN losing the state of Kedah in the 12th General Elections.

Obviously the benifits for the malays don't seem to work but to make them more lazy. We Malaysians have been so pamperd by the government with the subsidy for petrol and medical treatment. Where in the world can we find an almost developed country having out-patient treatment for only RM1? Benifits in education is also prioritize to the malays. Malays with lower qualification can easliy get into public universities while non-malays have to work their butt off to get exeptional results to get the course they want. Indeed its more of achieving the quota then picking people with the right qualifications. Interestingly this reflects greatly on the education minister who with his radical malay views lead this country in education. Guess the future does looks really gloom if this trend continues. UMNO is getting worse by the days and its still trying to get a stronger grip on the nation. UMNO was formed as a radical malay party to counter the British and it still is after 50 years. We are Malaysia, we are called Malaysians, we should be equal in every rights. Even if there should be benifits it should got to the real bumiputeras who are the orang aslis and not the malays.

Finally, I echo the call of Datuk M. Kayveas to dissovle all component parties and form a one party that caters to the needs of every race and religion. Obviously UNMO will oppose this for their rights will be loss, so the other component parties in BM should just leave UMNO alone and form a new party which can lead Malaysia who is populated my Malaysians with equal rights. We are Malaysians, it is time to stand up for all Malaysians rather then just our own ethnic groups.

2008-03-09T14:02:00.002+08:00

"Shocking Election Results", "BN Forms Federal Government By Simple Majority", "Barisan Routed". Just a few titles I came across as I went through the election news today. Its was indeed worth staying up late last night to watch the results comming in which was much more interesting then a Champions League Final. I did learn a new term also, "Political Tsunami". This is so true from what is happening since 1999. A tsunami happends when a storm arises but before it actually hits the condition will be calm. As we seen in the 1999 elections, opposition parties such as PKR and PAS made thier pressence known with interesting victories but when 2004 came around BN once again humilliated thier opponents by a landslide victory taking Terengganu which was a PAS stronghold and Kota Melaka which was a DAP stronghold.

The seas where getting rougher for the pass 2 years leading up to the 12th general election and last night the tsunami finally strucked leaving little survivors. PAS incresed its grip on Kelantan, DAP routed Gerakan to claim Penang, and Perak, Selangor and Kedah also fell into oppostion hands. Top ministers such as Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon, Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu and Datuk Seri Shahizat Abdul Jalil to name a few lost to opposition who are counted as freshies in the political circle. Even if BN retained Terengganu it was with a really big price. So what could be the cause of BN's routing by the opposition? Is the rakyat honestly voting for the opposition or are they purposely giving BN a run for thier money? Obviously someone with a logical mind would not vote for PAS after its ridiculous menifesto was presented.

Indeed this is a strong wake up call for the leaders in BN who are so arrogant in thier way and over-confident. Simply approving projects to 3rd grade contractors, simply wasting money on projects and of course who could forget the over-looking of Datuk Zakaria's 'Palace' in Klang which is built on land which is not approved. Isn't the land suppose to be approved by the government before work can be started? Obviously we can see here that leaders in BN are only protecting thier postions by abuse of power. Giving building projects to 3rd rate contractors who are affliated with them when there are better contractors who bid for the job, giving top positions in large companies and institutions to thier relatives, and so many more to mention. There are also cases where ministers are over-staying thier welcome in the governmet such as a certian Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu. 30 years has he held on to the post and it is indeed time for new blood to take over. Many years ago there was call for him so step down graciouly and now he had to face it the hard way.

Increasing crime rate and increasing cost of living was the main issues to face this election. BN has indeed done alot for the rakyat in the pass 50 years. Billions of Ringits no doubt just for our petrol subsidy and I do thank them for it. As the country advance, the cost of living will also increase. This is a fact and the rakyat has to face it. We can't just keep living in the pass where we can get a decent meal for just RM3. Times has change and I'm sure the government is doing all they can in this area. So the mind-set of the rakyat also plays a very big role in the routing for BN. Its time to get the kampung times out of our mind and look to the future if not then Wawasan 2020 will just be a dream that we will never achieve. Just imagine if PAS took over the country with its ridiculous menifesto. We will go back to ancient times and probably be the worse nation in Asian or even the region. So look to the future rather then complaining about the raising cost of living. The cost of living wouldn't fall if we want to be a developed country and compete internationally.

Looking back to the routing last night, I strongly believe that BN has to start changing its setup. Its 'Power-sharing' thingy don't work anymore. We are a multi-racial country, we are Malaysians and not just our ethnic groupes. BN needs to understand this if it wants to continue running this country. Even if the name Barisan National stands for everyone it's still very racist with all the different parties only catering to thier own races. Even now BN should just re-name itself to BN-UMNO for it has always been UMNO dictating the running of the party. 50 years has passed since our independence compared to our counterparts down south (Singapore) who gained independence 44 years ago. Where do we stand in the global economy and where do they stand? The only conclusion that can be gained is the leaders and thier quality. It is time for Malaysia to really have quality leaders rather then people appointed leaders due to the quantity of the rakyat. Imagine a huge untrained army going against a well trained army which is only 40% of its opposition size. Obviously size wounldn't matter in this case for the more qualified will triumph over the unqualified.

My suggestion for BN is to dissolve all parties and come together as a real multi-racial party and really put qualified people up there rather then through popularity votes. If the leaders themselves can't intergrate with one another how can they expect the rakyat to do the same? Of course it will be tough but with the current setup and leadership its hard to look to the future of my beloved nation with optimistic. Currently BN is the best party to lead the country but time will take its toll if something is not done. We can't just hope for the other parties to come out with ridiculous menifestos because even with it people are still voting for them. Indeed I will continue to support the current government but there will be things that has to be changed.

2008-03-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

Ronan Keating and Leann Rimes - Last Thing On My Mind

Four O'Clock in the morning
My minds filled with a thousand thoughts of you
And how you left without warning
But looking back I'm sure you tried to talk it through

Now I see it so clearly
We're together but living separate lives
So I wanna tell you I'm sorry
Baby I can't find the words
But if I could, then you know I would
Yeah

No I won't let go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life crashing down on me
Guess I had it all right there before my eyes, yeah
Girl, I'm sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind

You carried me like a river
How far we've come still surprises me
And now I look in the mirror (look in the mirror)
Staring back is a man I used to be, with you
How I long for you, yeah

2008-03-03T23:16:00.003+08:00

Ever wonder how love can be so great at first but it mellows after awhile when 2 people get to know each other more? Where at one moment you're at the top of the world and the next it just seems like hell. Ever felt like a love could be so real and finally moving towards a better tommorrow but it just crumbles at the next few moments? So close...yet so far...

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

2008-02-21T23:35:00.003+08:00

Life-RW
18th March 2008

7.30pm

UCSI, South Wing, Multipurpose Hall (MPH)

Block A, Level 4

Featuring : Rev Kennth Chin & Altered Frequency

Just came back from practise from the rally. I do find the theme really interesting. To put in it a more simple form - 'Is Your Life Rewritable?'. I'm really interested to hear what the message will be for this theme not only applies to non-christians but also to christians. Our God is a God of second chances, even after we failed Him so much He's still there to pick us up and give us a fresh start at life. Trust me, I've gone through it. No matter what we did before, God still forgives.

Recently I heard a really interesting story. Its a story about this little boy who was playing in the yard one day. As he was practising his sling shot, no matter how hard he tried he stilled misses the target. His grandmother then called him back for dinner after awhile. As he was walking along the yard back to the house he saw his granny's favourite duck and took out his sling shot to see if he could hit it. As he took aim and released the stone he hit the duck straight on the head and it dropped dead. The litte boy panicked and tried to cover up his crime buy burrying the duck thinking his granny didn't see but his elder sister did see the whole incident.

So as he went back for dinner, he acted like nothing had happend, all is normal. After dinner, his granny asked his sister to help out with the washing but his sister told her granny that her little brother would volunteer to help out while whispering in the little boy's ear that she will spill the beans if he didn't do it. Being threatend, the little boy obliged and went to help his granny with the dishes while his sister went and watch tv. The next day as granny was cleaning up the house, grandpa asked if the little boy would like to follow him fishing while his sister stayed back to help granny with the cleaning. Eger to go fishing the little boy jumped to his feet to get ready but his joy only lasted that while as his sister again whispered to him that if the didn't stay back to help granny she would spill the beans. Again left with no choice he obliged and stayed back to help with the cleaning while his sister went fishing with grandpa.

While the little boy was helping with the cleaning he finally couldn't take it being bullied by his sister like that and he finally confessed to his granny. To his surprise his granny wasn't angry but replied 'I saw what you did that day and was just waiting for you to confess'. God indeed sees all our faults, all our sins. Can we hide anything from the almighty? Do we enjoy being bullied and letting the devil make us feel guilty? How far can we run from the all powerful and all kowing God? God gave us this life to live and He wants us to live it to the full accourding to His Word not to be under satan's yoke of feeling guilty and sorry for ourselves everyday.

The thief commeth not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy; I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

2008-02-20T23:02:00.002+08:00

Alot has been going on lately but don't think I will put it down here yet. Going through my mid-semester exams now, it's ok I guess. Could be better...anyway alot more has been going on and I'm really starting to get really tired. Totally exhausted mentally and physically. Among everything that has going on I do feel that God is nearby. Everyday in my quiet time it was more or less about what's going on. Not one day, not a few days here and there but its a few consecutive days. To sum in all up God is indeed here with me but sometimes I really still do wonder why so many things happend with not much of a reason. Is it just my foolishness that it happends or it is really in God's plan but it won't be revealed until a later date?

Tell me and I'll obey
This is far greater than sacrifice
Trusting You and not myself
Will always lead to blessing
Lord have Your way in me
Not my will, Yours be done

Can lightning really strike twice at the same place? Can things happend like before? Deja Vu?

2008-02-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

McDonals McDonals McDonals!!! Had McD 4 days in a row. Lets see...Friday's dinner, Saturday's breakfast, Sunday's lunch and today's dinner. Damn I just love Mcd...haha. Going back to Kampar to celebrate CNY tomorrow...superb food here I come!!! Muahahahaha!!! Went to Mid-Valley with Angel and Melia to get some stuff, won't post pictures of it because its suppose to be a surprise for someome...hehe. Had a hair cut today...just got it thinner. So guess that's it for now...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

angpowangpowangpowangpowangpowangpowangpowangpowangpow

2008-02-03T20:23:00.000+08:00

Awesome awesome awesome!!! Switchfoot was sooooo damn awesome!!! Really worth every cent I paid to go watch them. So much better live then on the album. Still in awe....aaahhh....Chinese New Year is just around the corner. Decorations are up everywhere, homes making cookies to sell, mandarin oranges in bountiful ammount and oh how can I not mention the smell of bak kua roasting. Chinese New Year to me is normally about eating, ang pows, eating, ang pows and of course eating...haha...but this year is different. This year would be a little differnet for to me now its more on family gatherings. It would also be my first Chinese New Year without my grandma. Wonder how the atmosphere will be. Things will indeed be different but I hope the food will stay the same...hehe.

This Chinese New Year to me or I hope it would be to me as new beginnings. A new cycle of years in the chinese calander as it is the year of the rat, the first animal of the chinese horoscope . I'm also turning 21 this year, a mile-stone in terms of age where I would be fully legal. So many changes, so many happenings before that now I do look forward to a new chapter in my life. Its time to leave the baggage (pass) behind and move forward without hindrance. I never knew I could stand up again but the support from friends and especially family really helped alot. I would not be here today without my family and I don't think I would achive the results that I achieved in my previous semester if not for thier support thorugh my rough patch. So this Chinese New Year is indeed family first but also the food and the ang pows...haha. So to all those married people out there...get your ang pows ready!!!!...hehehehehe

2008-01-31T21:49:00.000+08:00

Wheeew...what a tiring day it has been, but the thing is I didn't even have a single class today...haha. Woke up today and went to Mid-Valley with Angel and Chie Yi to catch a movie since classes were cancle due to some stupid event in Bukit Jalil. Obviously I woudn't waste my time going there...haha. So we watched Sweeney Todd. Real awesome movie and highly recomended. I give it a 9.5/10 rating. Its kinda goory so parental advice is recomended for those kids who wanna watch. Its about this person Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp) who is a really skilled barber going out for revenge after being wrongly charged by a corrupted judge just to get his wife. Its part musical so for those who don't appericiate singing will just sleep during the show...haha.

Came back to hostel at about 3.30pm, changed and went to college to collect results!!! Arrived at college and was told that class was cancle...haha. Anyway taking my results totaly freaked me out. To make things worse when the names were read out my name wasn't there and for those whoes names weren't read out achieved a CGPA of 2.5 and lower. So at that point to add to my anxiousness I was really freaked out. I went straight to my lecturer and asked for my results so he went to the admin person and talked to him in tamil which obviously I don't understand. In the end I followed the admin person back to his office to check my results and wonder where was my slip. While the person was checking for my results I was trying to think how to explain to my dad that I got a CGPA less then 2.5. I would surely be dead by then.

So after he found my results he proceeded to search the stack of slips but he can't find it!! I was even more scared at that time. My palms were sweating so much and was at the brink of shaking...haha. Finally, he printed my slip on the spot citing that they lost my slip. So atleast a relief there that I got my slip so I should do ok. Was still trembling as I opend the slip. So finally...............................I got 4 As and 3 Bs with a CGPA of 3.63!!!! I was like wah!!!!! Can'tbelieve I did so well last semester even through all the crap that I've gone through. Praise the Lord!!!

2008-01-27T22:46:00.000+08:00

Hrmmm...things so far have been going on well I guess. Everything but my dear guitar. She's been faithfully serving me for the pass 7 years and she's starting to get cranky. So far she's been through 2 major operations which is the bridge replacement and new pick-ups. Its been quite sometime since it has a face lift but I do suspect its her insides that is giving the problem. Its her major vocal chords that are getting a little on the rough side. Quite hard to get the correct pitch tuning now days and its quite frustrating. Her pick-ups are quite wierd now also when she's plugged in she sounds like a banjo...haha.

Of course it will be hard to let her go but she won't be gone. She'll just take a back seat away from the public eye and just private playings. Anyway all good things must come to an end. She has brought me so far in my guitar playing and maybe she's also tired of performing...haha. So guess a new one is needed. I'll be turning 21 this year, so...hehehehe...*hint* *hint* :p. I do need/want a new guitar. This one has served me well but for public use a new one is needed. Been looking at a few listed below...hehe.

Ibanez AEF18E / Ibanez AEG10E

Ibanez AW10ECE / Ibanez AW800ECE

PS...top 2 would b prefered..hehe (AEF/AEG)

2008-01-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

Alright...think I really have to blog now. Too many things has been going through my head and I can't keep in there forever. Been reading through all my previous posts lately and I noticed alot of changes in myself, togheter with my life in general. So many changes until I sometimes don't even recognize myself now. Its really hard to wrestle with my thoughts every night before I fall asleep. On the outside when people look at me they would think that I've changed for the better but deep inside this change is bringing me alot of sadness and pain. There's just too many things going on which can't be explained by words but only by tears.

How much would I love to get my old life back. Ever since I came back to KL to study my whole life just turned 180 degrees. Everything is upside down now, things that I wanted to finally avoid is here. Life in UCSI was so much more meaningful and joyful each day and I can just be myself. Coming here is really like being in hell on earth. Everything is just screwed up and sucks. i don't really know how to put this in words but even to the extend of friendships I'm also quite unsure. I used to be easily adapted to the enviroment but this one I would really love to get out of it. I just can't get use to the culture and thinking of the people here. Its like I really don't fit in here. Its really total opposite of those from UCSI. Damn I miss UCSI...but now to go back there would just bring so many memories that hurt. I know there are people out there who truely care for me but there are some people I do feel like they are just using me for thier benefits. Behind their care and smiles there is a hidden agenda and after they have it they just leave until the need is there again.

Everyday now is just like I'm living a lie, living a life for God but the physical aspect is suffering like mad. How nice if we could just be like a computer in a way. Save the merories that we want in an external hard-drive while we reformat our life and put back only the things we want. Each day I go to college is like putting on a mask so that people do see that I seem ok. Guess this is just my curse. I really don't like to burden people with my burdens and I do try my best to pelease everyone and I'm too generous not only with money. Seems like its really my gift and curse. Its nice to help people out, to make them feel accepted and loved but deep down I'm just slowly cracking up. How can I expect other people to understand me when I can't even understand myself?

So at this point in my life, I'm indeed very confused. Confused about myself, about my life here and about my relationship. I never knew I can be so patient with things, even to things that break me down and bring me to tears. Where in the world did I get this patience from? Where is it coming from? I really don't know how long this could last. I'm just scared one fine day I would explode and all hell break loose again. I really don't know how to slove this but for now crying myself to sleep works to a certian extent. Haiz...

2008-01-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

Arloe arloe...its been some time since I've last blog. Havent really had the time and mood to blog. Anyway went and watch Game-plan today with Tasha and Nina. Really great movie, recomended!

Anyway this there is a thought going on in my head recently. Ever wonder how arguments and disagreements in a relationship weather between friends, family, spouses or dating couples could make them or break them? Interestingly arguments are the building blocks of a relationship and also can be the bull-dozer of the relationship. Everyday we are faced with problems. Problems at work, at school and at home but its how we work out this arguments and problems that will bring either one of the reuslts. Indeed our life is all about solving problems. A couple who works out thier disagreements would learn much from it and grow closer to each other and bring the relationship to a higher level but when not sorted out the disagreement will break the relationship in a matter of minutes or even seconds. All in all, everything is a learning experience and put there by God to help us in our life.

Christian life is never easy. We always think that once we put our trust in God then all our problems will go away. God would purposely put tests in our life to test us and to help us learn from it. Through this tests we will grow stronger in faith in Him or we would fall along the way but God will still always welcome back those who fall along the way if they come back to Him. We would not know God's power until we're at our lowest point of our life and lay down everything before Him. Trust me, I learned this first hand.

So looking forward for the year 2008 and beyond. I would not try to look too far away as there are issues that are not cleared yet but I would take each day as a blessing that God has granted me a second chance. He could have turned His back on me like how I did to Him but He guided me and waited patiently for me to slowly surrender and come back to Him. I like to take the picture of the sower but with a little twist to it. I was like the seed that fell on the rocky ground when I depended just on experiences and good blessings from God to grow and my roots were shallow. As the tough times came, I was blown around in the wind and malnurished but God in His grace and mercy dug me up and re-planted me on the good soil to give me another shot at life, life in Him. I do thank God for everything that has happend in my life for everything happends for a reason and its in His control.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Lookin unto Jesus that author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of G0d. For consider Him that endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, least ye be wearied and faint in yout mind. Hewbrews 12:1-3

2008-01-03T00:38:00.000+08:00

Had my 1st day of year 2 today. Went to college for 8 hours but had 2 hours of classes only. Wasted my time going today and I'm actually still on holiday mood...hehe. Guess it takes awhile to get back to studying and classes. Yeap...so that was my day, totaly wasted my whole freaking day going to college.

Alright, enough of that. So its the new year and to look forward I have to look back first on the lessons that I've learnt. Indeed the pass year has tought me alot of lessons. The most important of all is to not blame God when situiations go wrong. God is all powerful and He is God. He has the power to give us things and also the power and authority to take it away. So that's just a simple yet hard lesson that I've learnt. He gives and takes things away from us for our own good.

Have a great new year!!

2008-01-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 2008!!! So the new year has finally come. Looking back it just seems so interesting on how a year of crap could turn out to be something that teaches me.

Last year's church camp was one that I concentrated in alot. It was on the subject of bearing fruits where Christ is the vine and we are the branches and how the branches are pruned in order to bring forth much fruit. After the camp I told myself that I would go all for God and I guess God did prune me in order to bear more fruits. I didn't expect what was to come and of course pruning hurts for it is cutting away part of the outer layer of the branch. In that 'cutting' it really hurt because He took away a very big part of me. God indeed has a true plan for me so guess that part was not part of the plan.

I'm not saying that I'm totaly over that but I'm more or less over it. It still do hurt alot when the memories appear around but to look back I do see God's pressence in my tough times and I'm very thankfull for that. I don't know the future, I don't know what will happend but all I know is my future is in His hands and He's walking by my side one day at a time. Praise the Lord!!!

Great is Thy faithfulness,
O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

2007-12-30T02:31:00.000+08:00

Its 2.30am and I havta wake up early for church but I can't get to sleep. Just too much thoughts going through my mind. What has happend this year, what will happend next year? The future is full of surprises. Would I crash and burn again or would I slowly pick myself up? I just can't look back on this year without tears and with the fear of it happening all again in the comming year. All the memories, all the things that I've gone through is still so fresh in me as if it was just yesterday that it all happend. Its just so hard to look to the new year with optimism. To that person if you're reading this, I just want to let u know that everything that we've gone through, everything that we've done is just like a tattoo imprinted in my heart and mind. It still hurts alot to see you go even if I seem to move on.

The pass year has been such a roller-coaster ride and I just don't seem so come to an end even as the new year looms. I know my blog post has been very emotional and seem like I'm depressed. I'm sorry for those who read my post but its really somewhere where I can release the tension when it just hurts too much to say it out. That also explains why my post is all words and no pictures. All in all I'm thankfull to those who have read my posts and tried to help me through this rough patch I'm going through. I'm not totally out of it yet but I'm trying. So here are just some thoughts for the new year ahead.

When God puts us with people who annoys us, would He give us the patience to get through it or is He giving us the chance to practise patience?

When God puts us in an unlogical situiation that can't be explained with a logical explanation, would He just leave us to work ourselves out or is He giving us the chance to have faith in Him?

When God puts us with another person whom we find interest in, would He give us the love to help us through the relationship or does He give us the chance to express love to the person?

Would God just give us gifts so that we could use it or does God give us the situiations that we could express the gifts that He has given to us to be a good testimony for Him?

2007-12-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

The year is comming to an end. 2007 has really been a real roller-coaster ride for me. So many things that has happend that make me wanna turn back time so that I can react to the situations differntly. All in all it wasn't a really good year. A year that started brightly turned out to be a nightmare and I'm still slowly waking up from it. So many memories still linger and its just like a tatoo that can't be removed.

2008 is just over the horizon. What will happend in the new year? Would my life finally fall back to place or would it continue to hang around like a jig-saw puzzle that dosen't fit? This are questions that I just can trust God in no matter what but its really difficult when it hurts so much. How can I then look to the new year with optimism when these memories are still so fresh?

Guess the memories will always be there and all I can do is to hope the new year writes a different story line.

2007-12-21T14:50:00.000+08:00

Arloe arloe!!!..Came back from Melbourne, Australia last night. Flight was delayed 2 hours in Melbourne due to heavy rain so reached home at 12 something mid-night. Overall it was a great holiday. So much to see, so much to do and obviously so much so eat!!! Yeap...I kinda put on weight already due to all the good food. Most of all is the salads there. The veggie is just sooo fresh...mmmm...pictures will be up in awhile after they are sort out ya...=)

This holiday also gave me a great opportunity to reflect on the year and myself. To be close to nature and see the wonders of God's hands in creation brought me many interesting thoughts. Maybe that's why sometimes I do get mood swings and get irritable easily because I would be lost in my thoughts. But the truth is sometimes I really don't know what I'm feeling in some situiations. The events of the year still haunts me like a dark cloud above my head following me everywhere waiting so storm on me. There are times where I also lose interest in interacting with people. Guess that event really changed me so much till I don't even know my ownself sometimes.

I know experiences are there to teach us, to give us a greater understanding of things and to grown in maturity. But what if those experiences and memories hold you back from advancing in life? Staring at the end of another year, I do wonder what the new year will bring. Would it be a better one? Would the problems of this year carry through? I do try to have confidence, I do try so have faith but sometimes its just so hard when the results are sour. I really just wonder what the new year will bring. Guess its better to continue to hope and pray.

2007-12-03T14:56:00.000+08:00

I SURRENDER ALL

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand

In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defence and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

Chorus:
I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain

So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly laydown
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Bridge:
Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desireI surrender all

2007-12-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

FINALLY!!! My 1st semester in Masterskill is finally comming to an end. 1 more paper at 5pm later and I would be free after 7.30pm...woohoo!!! Never been so stressed for any exams in my life. Not PMR, not SPM, and not even A-Levels. The papers has been ok. Some easier then I expected and some was a little harder but all in all it was alright. Hope my results will be ok.

The year 2007 is also comming to a close and man what a long and eventfull year it has been. Honestly speaking it won't really be a year that I would like to put down as 1 of the best years of my life but I did learn alot through this year. It has been a tough year but all I can say is that God has been leading me through it step by step. So many things unexpected has happend, so many emotions that I felt in just 1 year. Just thinking of the events would bring me to tears. Tears of regret, tears of guilt, and tears of hurt and grief. I've seen so many friends going into depression but never expected I'll would go through that period also. So the secret of me losing weight was going into depression and doing exercise until can't tahan to release the tension...hehe. Now I know what do they mean when they say the first cut is the deepst. Looking back I would hope that I won't face another year like this. Its scary...=(

Christmas is around the corner. This time last year I would have a christmas wish list but this year I just don't know what to ask for. I'm just very greatfull and thankfull to God for leading me through this year as I'm still alive and kicking and not screwed up. Thankfull also to my family and friends who have supported me through that period because without them I would probably be rather screwed up and trashing my life away now. This christmas would be alot of thanks and not much of wanting anymore but there is still 1 thing I would like to have this christmas...hehe. It's the Sony Cyber-Shot T-100.

Sony Cyber-Shot T-100

Since I don't have a wish list this year, this would be my wish list for next year...hehe. I'll be 21 next year, so...hehehe...

Apple iPhone

2007-11-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...finals in 4 days time. 4=sei=die...sei sei sei!!! The pressure is building up...freaking hot weather not helping. My 1st semester will come to an end in 2 weeks time. How will my results be? Hrmmm...???! Strees, stress, stress...feel like going to the beach and shout like there is no tomorrow...ish...!!! Crazy weather today super hot also...man...!!! I need to sleep...lalalala...

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Provebs 3:5-6

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7

2007-11-22T19:58:00.000+08:00

England 2 - Croatia 3

This was the final score and final nail in Steve Maclaren's coffin. Total disspointment!!! The players have thier fair share to blame in the first half for playing like a bunch of M-league players but the ultimate blame should fall on non other then Steve Maclaren. Was it down to over-confidence? Cockiness? Or just plain stupidity?

Anyone who knows football should understand that experience would prevail in a high tension and high demanding game. Instead of Paul Robinson, Jamie Caraggher, and David Beckham there was Scott Carson, Joen Lescott, and Gareth Barry. Playing Peter Crouch as a lone striker also should be another big clue of who should play to support him. The only man who could and proved that point is David Beckham. A sublime and precise assist to a superb ball controller obviously would lead to a goal. The only players now who could lift England out of thier horrible situiation are David Beckham and Steven Gerrad. Both these players really do have a determination to play the game no matter if the team is leading or losing. Just look at Gerrad's performance when Liverpool are in a rut and when Beckham was playing in the World Cup. People with pure pride to wear the England jersey should only take the lead in order to encourage the rest of the team.

Guess we won't be hearing 'God Save The Queen' during the Euro 2008. Good riddence to Steve Maclaren. A better qualified manager who are tried and tested with smaller clubs and have done well in the Premier League should be choosen. My choices would be Harry Redknapp, Alan Curbishley, or even Alan Shearer. Listed below should be the team that played this morning...

Goal keeper - Paul Robinson
Center backs - Jamie Carragher, Sol Campbell
Right back - Micah Richards
Left back - Wayne Bridge
Right wing - David Beckham
Left wing - Joe Cole
Mid field - Steven Gerrad, Frank Lampard, Owen Hargreaves
Forward - Peter Crouch

2007-11-19T09:00:00.000+08:00

We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

2007-11-18T20:30:00.000+08:00

Generous - willing to give and share unstintingly;not petty in character and mind.

Am I too nice/friendly? Do I care for people until I suffer myself? Do I trust people too easily?

Hrmm...as my mum used to say before that this has been my gift and my curse. I means its like so hard for me to say no to friends until sometimes I feel like I'm being taken advantage of but I still can't bring myself so say it out. I just tend to keep things inside. Guess this has been partially due to my teen days where I would just keep everything to myself and eventually when it bottle up too much I vent it out but get shoot back down. Probably I'm just too complecated even for me to understand myself. I don't like to trouble people with my troubles. I find my own ways to release my stress like playing music or playing a sport until I'm super tired but these two things I can't be able to do as much as I used to which leads me to be more frustrated.

I've been dissapointed, frustrated and depressed but I try my best to be normal and act like everything is ok but when sometimes someone poke me too far I retaliate does that make it my wrong? When I'm not in a bad mood I keep very quiet because I know if I make too much noise I would cause trouble due to my mood but if someone takes it as a licese to distrub me would it be right? I put my trust in people but get dissapointment in return, I be too good to people and get taken advantage on in return. Is God really teaching me patience or is this really just the problem of mankind? How sure can we be if what we are doing is part of God's plan or just coincidence?

Just having some thoughts today about this matter. Feel wierd about it all but all in all I know that indeed my future and my life no matter good or bad is in God's hands.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Hebrews 12:1-3

I love who I've become in You
You've changed me from deep within
Without You I can't live
I need the touch of Your strong hand

I only live and breathe in You
Because of You I've been made whole
Without You I can't live
I need the touch of Your strong hand

And I will sing of Your love
And Your mercy forever
Reaching down from above
With a plan for my future
I'll forever proclaim
All the goodness and power of Your name
I will worship You Lord all my days

2007-11-12T22:31:00.000+08:00

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

Lately I've been hearing people said I've changed. Changed for the better they say. I myself do feel I've changed. Looking back on the pass 20 years or maybe the pass 10 years which I can remember better there was alot of ups and downs. Too many screw ups to even remember and the recent event this year. To see myself at every stage in that period brings tears to my eyes as I could have done so much more. I could react differntly to certian situations but honestly I have no regrets for I know that everything do happend for a reason and my life in in God's hands.

As I stare at the beginning of a new chapter in my life, I look at it with much fear. The pass events still haunts me deep and it keeps coming back everytime I try to move on. Will this chapter have a happy ending? Will this chapter be a short one or one that will last till the end of my story? I don't know, I'm scared to tears, and sometines confused. But what I know for now is that all I need is faith in God who is the author and finisher of my salvation and my life. Would God use 2 people to fix up each other's life?

You are forever in my life,
You see me through the seasons.
Cover me with Your hand,
And lead me to, Your righteousness.
And I, look to You.
And I, wait on You.

I'll sing to You Lord,
A hymmn of love,
For Your faithfullness to me.
I'm carried in, everlasting arms
You'll never let me go,
Through it all.

For Thou hast possessed my reins; Thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are Thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalms 139:13-14

2007-11-10T00:11:00.000+08:00

Arloe...just came back from watching Stardust. Hrmmm...I give a 8 out of 10 rating lor. Good story line, funny, and touching. Totaly recomended!

Went and cut my hair also this afternoon and did my Maybank atm card. Yeap...my hair is back short...hehe. Kinda got sick of the long hair as its quite irritating when it falls down.

2007-11-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

Hrmm...looking back on the pass 4 months I really fell I changed so much. Sometimes to the point that I don't even remember the person I'm staring at in the mirror. My attitude, my thoughts, my actions...not totaly changed but its different then before. I even find myself falling for a girl whom the last time me would not even be close with. Even with so many flaws I still could see so much promise in her eyes, so much love in her. Words can't even explain how much she means to me now.

Many things has been going on lately until I can't but say that God really has a reason for everything and He is truely so real. I don't know if my tears now are tears of joy, of regret, or of guilt but all I know is God has been with me through the pass 4 months. What I've learnt most in those months is patience. Patience to deal with certian situations. I even find myself not reacting to situations like before but sometimes I just feel so confused. God really do work in mysterious ways and I really do have Him to thank that I'm still alive and healthy after what I put myself through the pass 4 months.

To look to the future, there seems like a bright light at the end but the thougt of dejavu still haunts me. Wounld God do the same thing to me again? I do look to the future with optimism but with alot of fear. Even the fear of God giving me something and taking it away again after it means so much to me.

I know my future's in Your hands,
All of my hopes and dreams and plans
You give me strength to live,
And faith to succeed
I belive in You,
Because You belived in me.

2007-11-04T01:19:00.000+08:00

Hrmmm...wonder where to start. My wallet was found yesterday with all my documents but the money was all gone. Anyway, what I wanted was to have all my documents back. I really do thank God for this event. I know I doubt God at times and screwed up my relationship with Him but I guess its time to put my freaking life back on track or just try to make it better.

When the music fades,
And all is striped away,
And I simply come.
Longing just to bring,
Something that's of worth,
That will bless Your heart.

I'll bring You more then a song,
For a song in itself,
Is not what You have require.
You search much deeper within,
Through the way things appear,
You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
When its all about You,
Its all about You Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it,
When its all about You,
Its all about You Jesus.

King of endless worth,
No one could express,
How much You deserve.
Though I'm weak and poor,
All I have is Yours,
Every single breath.

Can a place that lead to my life being screwed piece it back together again? We shall c...

2007-11-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

Haiz...just as i thougt my life would change for the better it got fucked up again. This morning some idiot stole my wallet. Make me so mafan have to go police station report. Can't you like just take the money?!?!?!...haiz....!!! I don't know lar...in 4 months or ever since I started studying here my life has been getting fucked up at every point. Coincidence or divide work? Its just something that I can't explain. Just as I start to look at the bright things in life and even in my previous post I can finally praise God this happends. Why at times I want to give God the glory and lead a life for Him shit happends? It has been happening since that event happend. WHY!?!

If going to church could make things better, if reading the Bible could give a real hope, if living for God can give me back the life I had before then I would do all those. But now it just seems everytime I try to do something for God shit happends. If this is a so called spiritual battle then I guess God lost or He is just too busy doing something else. Too busy to even give a clear answer for why am I here and why all this sudently is happening. Shit don't just happend so much at once. 2007 is indeed a fucked up year. Haiz...

Oh yeah...changing the blog abit...kinda amature in this so pls bear with me...

2007-11-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

It has been a long 4 months for me. Things are still the same as usual but recently there has been a lost in my family which is also my first close relative to pass away. My grandmother lost her battle with stomach cancer on Sunday morning an was called home peacefully. She was discharged from hospital last Saturday citing that the would not last long by the doctors but she lasted a whole week with even a few days where she was so awake that she could have long conversations and even sing!

Above all in that 1 week, a very true lesson that stuck me through all this pain. God indedd has His timing for everything and everything is in His hands wether we like it or not. God allowed my grandma to last that 1 week to be a great testimony to the family and all those who came to visit her. She showed peace and comfort in the grace of God through her pain and even of the thought of staring at the doors of death waiting upon the Lord to call her home. In that week, the 1 thing that stands out above all that has gone through would be my grandpa finally accepting the Lord as his personal saviour last Tuesday. What a joy is it to the whole family and especially to grandma to finally have her deepest desire come true. It was indeed a day of great rejoicing. Even in her weakened state, grandma has a huge smile and laughter of joy after hearing grandpa saying the sinners prayer. Praise the Lord, to God be the glory!

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:25-27

I know you're shining down on me from heaven, like so many friends we lost along the way. And I know eventually we'll be together, one sweet day.

2007-10-31T23:26:00.000+08:00

I saw this really touching video on youtube...the best song for the best movie ever...enjoy =)

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!

Another video touching but not as touching as before...hehe...

2007-10-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

Hrmmm...feeling rather confused lately...and I mean confused. Just too much things to think about I guess. So much have been going on lately, what a year it has been and its still going on with all the shit. Obviously i would not look back at 2007 with alot of interest. I wish I could just erase it out of my life. Reboot or refresh...send to recyle bin and delete maybe. A year that started out crappy, then followed up with so much promises and bright hope, but even sooner then I can say happy new year all hell broke loose. Somehow, somewhere there was a glimmer of hope but eventually it is gone as fast as it came. Everthing happend so fast just as soon as I entered Masterskill everything just breaks down and gets messed up.

So much hope, so many plans, so many things to look forward to just gets screwed up in a moment. It just feel like such a curse. To all those friends who cared, especially those from UCSI. I'm sorry I sort of ignore you all because I just don't feel like myself anymore, its so hard trying to be myself anymore. I havent been online offen because some idiot stole my laptop and I'll only be getting my new laptop tomorrow. Yay!!! So I'll be back online 24/7 by next week. Thanks for all of your concern and help.

PS...to the idiot who stole my laptop. If you're reading this, may God bless you and a freaking monkey come out from your ass!!!

2007-10-19T12:50:00.000+08:00

People change...but do people change until so drastic? Going to the mall and see couples hanging out together hloding hands and enjoying each other's company. Looking at my parents and grandparents who lasted so long even through all the quarells and misunderstanding. But the most touching of all is seeing old couples going out together and even holding hands together in public. I know everyone has their way of showing affection and love but sometimes seeing older couples who are married showing affection in public such as holding hands, cuddling up to each other, or even a guy giving a massage to his wife while taking a break from her shopping would give me this feeling of emptyness inside that has been there for a few months.

If people do change and change so drasticly, would a couple last that long? Wouldn't either one party gets upset and fed up of giving in to the other's changes? Hrmmm...

2007-10-15T16:39:00.000+08:00

Hrmmm...been back in JB since Thursday. Been eating alot...hehe. Havent been online because no laptop and house computer was down. Only today the computer is up and running...yay!!! Anyway, gonna go up to Kampar on Wednessday with mum to take care of my grand-mother. Will be there until the following Monday when classes start again.

Have been doing alot of thinking lately. Trying to piece everything back into place but always end up in tears. Hrmmm...

Anyway, I've been reading this book recently. Its 'The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins'. My main aim of reading this book is that I was searching for answers and I wanted to see things both ways. I had the answers but the 'answers' sort of shot me back in my face. Its interesting to see people who are so deperate to prove that God dosen't exist until they start arguing about things that seem to relate to God no matter how important it is.

As I'm still reading the book, something that was writed really struck me into thinking and make share this here. It is a argument from both extremes of atheist and believers. Atheist argues that science can prove everything in time when researchers and scientist understand more about our universe and to the simple thing of how an organism works but a believer would just say that this is 'intelligent design by the work of God' when he/she does not understand how something works. Its like a cell that is so complex where a believer don't understand or lazy to understand would just give the answer of 'the wonders of God's creation'. I have met people like that and I'm shock my their niave behaviour.

I mean if we could look deeper into something and understand its complexity wouldn't we be more in awe of God's creation? To see how something like a single cell or our bodies work in perfect harmony bring us more to understand the greatness of God rather then just blindly saying that how great God's creation is that its too complex for us to understand? Indeed we need more christian scientist in this world rather then the atheist scientist in thier own ignorant way try to prove that everything is possible without a higher power and christians to search for answers to prove what we believe rather then blindly accepting what the elders of our churches or preachers say.

2007-10-09T20:42:00.000+08:00

Hrmmm...let me just set the record straight. The previous question is a question I'm trying to ask long time ago but didn't have the guts to put it out. Anyway it has been answered. Thanks bro!

Yes I'm losing faith in God but I don't deny that He dosen't exist. Indeed everything we see in nature even to the smallest particle of an organism which is a cell is filled with complex mechanisms which can't just come together by chance. After studying so much I'm still so amazed on how a single cell can be so complicated and how the whole human body can function with everything complementing each other. There is sure a higher being that caused all this to happend. That person is God. None other then Jehovah.

So don't get me wrong. I'm not turning my back on God yet. Its just really really hard to fully put my trust in Him now and I don't want to act like a hypocrite who goes to church or do everything 'the Christian way' but deep down inside I don't feel its worth. That would even make me more of a stumbling block to other Chrsitians then posting controversial questions here.

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
Another one ending once again

2007-10-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

Hrmmm...I have this question that has been bugging me this few days. The Bible says that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin and also says that He was of the Seed of David. Joseph was indeed from the line of David but Mary was a virgin when she concived. So how can we say that Christ is of the Seed of David if He was born of a virgin? Hrmmm...

Anyone who has answers can send it to my email at blazer_8201@yahoo.com

I also found this interesting site which is quite cute but sometimes quite true - www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm

2007-10-06T20:24:00.000+08:00

Had a hair-cut today...yeap finally I cut my hair. This is because next week might have inspection so have to be good boy abit...hehe. Head feels super light now but feel better I guess.

Times are still bad and the future still looks like shit. Everything is still messed up. Haiz...just wish I could turn back time.

2007-10-04T16:40:00.000+08:00

Been watching quite a few movies lately after getting my stack of DVDs from JB. Many interesting movies such as Click, RV, Knocked Up,Simpsons Movie and High School Musical 2. How great will life be if only it was like a movie where people screw up, learn their lessons, made up, and live happily ever after. If only life was like a movie and you have to bleed just to know you're alive...

Just watched High School Musical 2 again, had this nagging feeling to watching it again. I don't know but I just keep reflecting on myself as I watch it again...wierd. Anyway what struck me was the line in the song everyday which goes ' They say that you should follow, and chase down what you dream. But if you get lost at lose yourself, what does it really mean?'. I was so determine not to screw up and do well in my studies until I lost the most important part of my life and everything eventually fell together with you when you left. Even God seemed to bail out. It was like studying to I could get a good future and not let people down.

Honestly I would trade everything I'm having now, the course I'm doing which I enjoy, my grades, and even my car which I so wanted to get my old life back. To get back to something that had meaning, to get back with you. I'm no more enjoying what I'm studying, I have nothing to look forward to, I can't even play football properly and enjoy it. Everday just seems like a routine of going to class, comming back, study and sleep. I don't even know who I am anymore...its like I'm living my life now because I have to. I rather screw up A-levels again, atleast life back then had more meaning and joy. Haiz...

If we were a movie
You'd be the right girl
And I'd be the best friend
You'd fall in love with
In the end we'd be laughing
Watching the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song

If we were a movie...

2007-10-03T02:38:00.000+08:00

Heiya...just watched Knocked Up...ermmm...quite an interesting movie I guess. Really shows how a couple that screws up and have so much difference can make something more wonderful in thier relationship if they only try. If they only are willing to change for the better and not just run away when there is a problem. Hrmmm....

Can't really sleep this few days...so much things going through my head. Used to have the comfort of my room and hostel room to release and there was you. Now everything that I take comfort in is gone. No more privacy...no more slamming the guitar...no more regular football...haiz...totaly no life now. Go to class and come back everyday and the routine goes on. Study, study, study...haiz...can't really click with the people also...no footie kaki...all so 'cina'...haiz...

So sick of eveything...so sick of seeing 'wontons' everyday...so sick of uniforms...so sick of indian songs...so sick of this God forsaken place. Comming to this God forsaken place is the worse mistake ever, even worse then screwing up A-levels. I thought I could make it with you by my side, but God had to take away my last hope for some wierd reason...haiz...

2007-09-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

When I looked for good, the evil came unto me; and when I waited for light, there came darkness. Job 30:26

I just don't understand anything anymore, don't know how to live my life anymore...haiz....

Perfect verse to sum up the pass 3 months and it might seem so sum up my whole life also...

2007-09-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

Haiz.............what's the point in trusting so much...what's the point in putting your everthing into something when it can just sudently crumble out of nowhere without a logical reason...haiz........

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too,
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

2007-09-25T23:22:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
But I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
And so I surrender just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live with out you
And maybe someone else is standing there beside you
But there's something baby that you need to know

That deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Baby, give me back my fantasies
The courage that I need to live
The air that I breathe
Living without you, my world becomes so empty
My day's are so cold and lonely
And each night I taste
The purest of pain.

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
That it didn't hurt me when you walked away
But to tell you the truth I can't find my way
And deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

Every night I taste the purest of pain would be an understatement for the truth will be that every second the pain just increse...haiz.........

2007-09-24T11:53:00.000+08:00

Back in KL...back to class in 2 hours...haiz...what's the point for striving so hard for something when you lose yourself and everything else that matters in the process?